Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Depression Again
I really hate depression. It never seems to go away. There's always someone around to remind me of my families financial disaster and the fact that I have never been able to help my family out financially, because I can't work outside the home without having so much pressure that I have a complete nervous breakdown. I'm not pushy enough to do a home-based business successfully and I'm really not very good with computers. Why do you think my blog is so boring looking and I never have any pictures on here? I don't know how to do any of that stuff. And everything I start to learn usually flies out the window right after I successfully do it the first time. I'm probably the only person to not be able to successsfully run a program following directions from a "Dummies" book exactly as they printed them. I'm worthless, hopeless, and will never amount to anything no matter what I do. I should never be put in a position to make any kind of decisions.
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As someone who struggles with depression too, let me send you a hug. I'm sorry I had to delete your comment on my blog...I figured it probably wasn't something you wanted to stay there anyway. For what it's worth, my job doesn't contribute financially to our family... it's more just something for me to do. But, hey, our worth lies in Christ, not in how much $$ we make, right? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are going through a low point. I've been there. Still go there sometimes! Sometimes I think that I should go back on my anti-depression meds that I took during my last bout of post-partum depression. But then I think that I'm happy most of the time, and not really depressed, but everyone goes through some rough times. I totally understand not feeling successful. My mother-in-law doesn't like that I'm a SAHM and not financially contributing to the family.
ReplyDeleteI need to tell you that you are definitely of worth- especially in the eyes of God, and I'll bet that your family knows your worth, too. Those are the most important ones, right? And I think you are a great person and happen to know others who do, too!
What people don't know is that I actually originally had Jeremiah as an excuse to stay home, because I couldn't handle being out in the work force or school. We wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, but I mostly had him because I was tired of being looked down on by everyone, even my Christian friends. Now I'm looked down on because I have kids who don't get over colds easily, so I have to send them to school and to their other events when they still have a cough or a runny nose. And they have indoor and outdoor allergies, so it isn't always even a cold. But they're all so paranoid that they don't really care about me or my family. They just want us to stay locked up at home for the rest of our lives and they wouldn't even miss us. Just to be sure that they don't get sick. They really only care about themselves.
ReplyDeleteErin, I'm really sorry if I made you feel bad about your post. That was not my intention. I personally wish that I could have a job. My family's living on almost nothing because I can't work. Most of our meals are Macaroni and cheese and not because we like it, because we can't afford anything else, so I'm reminded every time I make a meal that my family's not healthy and it's my fault. If only they had a better mother. I'm reminded every time somebody tries to sell me something that's supposed to improve our health, that I can't take care of my family. I understand why you deleted my comment, but just know that I don't mind people knowing I'm freak. They might as well know now and hate me now, instead of later after I've gotten attached. I'm sorry you got stuck with me as a sister in the spirit.
Shellie, I know Erin pretty well, and I don't think she's sorry to have you as a sister in the spirit. I've known you for a while, and I don't think you are a freak, and I certainly don't hate you! It's tough, and there are people out there who will judge you for anything.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you're going through a really rough time right now, and I hope you are able to get help from a counselor or someone who specializes in helping people with depression.
Thanks, wholarmor! I love you too.
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