My Public Apology To CR Moscow And the Hope Center

Since I've sort of slandered a couple of ministries in my small town on here, publicly, I now need to make a public apology to those ministries on here as well. Those ministries, more specifically being, CR Moscow, and the Hope Center and the ministry it has to the community, particularly Resource Ministries. There was a lot of misunderstanding on my part, of what there purpose really is, that I should have investigated myself, before talking about it on here. Resource Ministries only helps those who are able to work and want to work, not those just looking for a handout or permanently on disability. Those people will be sent elsewhere for help. There are government programs for them. It's not that they want them to be left out in the cold, they just have to choose with their limited resources the particular people they are going to serve. They are human and can't help everyone. No one ministry or person can do that. That is why we have a world-wide body of believers. That is also why there are food banks, food stamps, unemployment, and disability,as well as many other government sponsored programs for those who need it.

Also, Celebrate Recovery is an awesome program for addicts and as they say, people looking for "freedom for life's hurts, habits, and hang-ups." And really, who does that not include? I can't think of a single person I know who couldn't use a little of that!!! I'm pretty sure it's the human condition!!! Everyone has them, if they're alive, breathing, and living on planet Earth!!!! While, I have not personally found anyone there that I connect with well on a personal level, that's not to say that you won't find exactly what you need there. I still very much appreciate them for what they do provide for me. A safe place to hang out and be myself and share my struggles, knowing it will never leave the room unless I, myself, take it outside the room, which, as you know, I often do, but that's my business, not anyone else's, and as far as I can tell, no one's ever shared anything outside the group without my permission. I may not have found all the support I need there. God has provided that in other ways, and in some very unusual ways, through social media, I have met some people who have helped me. Quite unusual but it works for now. With my limited resources in this small town, I have to do what I have to do, but there are wonderful people at Celebrate Recovery, who, even if you don't relate well with them, like I haven't, they will love you, and who knows? You might find someone you do connect with. We all have different personalities, and different things that work for us, so don't be afraid to try it and give them a chance. I still may yet find someone I connect with, personally, there. You never know!!! Have a beautiful, God-filled day!!!!

A Sick Day!

I'm home today, with my oldest daughter, Angela, who is sick with the cold that I had. We no longer have any snow. It all got rained away. Yuck! No fun. Now it's really windy, and I'm probably going to have to go out in it and get some groceries. Hopefully, she'll be up to coming with me, although I know she is rather stuffed up. She's plenty old enough to stay home for me to take a quick trip to the grocery store, but she hates to stay alone and ends up calling me and talking to me on the cell phone the whole time which makes it hard to shop, since I don't have bluetooth of any kind. She just got out of the tub, so we'll probably be going soon, since it's past lunchtime and there isn't much in the house to eat. Besides, the chicken noodle soup is all gone, between me and my chicken noodle soup loving kids, we ate it all! And it's just wrong to have a cold with no chicken noodle soup in the house. I'm hoping the Robitussin I buy for the kids works for me, too, because I really don't want to spend the money to buy more Nyquil. I probly will anyway. Cause nothing touches this throat so I can sleep at night, so the only option I have is to take something that will knock me out! Anyway, a grocery shopping day it is then! Sorry, to be so unfun, but I'm still under the influence of the last of the Nyquil which should wear off soon, so I can drive, and eat!

An Alien Has Invaded And...Justin Bieber? What's He Doing On My Blog?!

Well, once again it's super-duper late, and I don't have much to say, but wanted to check in. I finally decided to get a real cold, not just that little itchy throat, and a little bit of fatique I was having there for a while. Not to mention, my toe flairing up again, my eyes hurting like I might be getting an infection there as well, and my ears plugged up. That sucked! But no, the kids had another 4 day weekend for parent-teacher conferences, which I got out of the way on Wednesday afternoon, so I could just relax and enjoy having my kids home for the rest of their long break. Well, I woke up from a nap on Thursday afternoon with what felt like much more than a scratchy throat. Sure enough, soon I was sneezing, and my nose was getting stuffy, and my head started to feel to big! This was not good. Angela and Jeremiah got a bunch of stuff in the mail for their birthdays. Cards and money. So, of course, Angela wanted me to take her out. I refused, and her dad said she could wait till tomorrow. It worked out well, cause Jeremiah would be going hunting with his daddy, for his 13th birthday! Yes, we now officially have a teenager!!! Not that we weren't dealing with hormones already! The kid's a hormone crazed....I don't know what he is? He's an alien, I think! That's it! The aliens came down one night, took the sweet little boy out of him, and put one of their aliens inside of him, so now he's all alien. He just looks human! That's it! That explains everything! Even the little glimpses I get of that little boy, because surely they missed a few parts, right?

Anyway, yeah, so now I've spent the entire vacation sick! I did take Angela to the grocery store, so she could buy a magazine full of posters. Mostly Justin Bieber posters, and then I helped her download some songs onto the iPad. Mostly Justin Bieber songs there as well. I was at one point going to make my kids only listen to Christian music, but I've decided that as long as it's not really evil they can listen to it. JB's okay. Nothing too immoral in his music. I've decided if I push her too hard, she'll really revolt on me and that could get ugly. The Bieber Fever ends, I do believe. Like I got over my mad crush on Donnie Wahlberg in the nineties, she'll get over Justin Bieber. (Did I just admit to being in love with Donnie Wahlberg on my blog! OMG!) Someday! Here's hoping! And praying, of course. That always helps. Anyway, after that I just stayed drugged on Nyquil, which I should go into my Nyquil induced coma right now, but I'm talking to you all. Anyway, wish my babies happy birthday! And good night!

What We Call Ourselves

Okay, I was just looking through my notes from that week that stuff was just leaping off the page at me, and most of it, I feel was just for me, so I won't be sharing it on here. I'm not real sure you'd get it anyway :) He is a very personal God that way, which is exactly the way I like Him....Well, most of the time. You know, sometimes when He gets up in my business I don't like it too much, but it's always for my best, so yeah, that's the way I like Him. I did think a lot about names and how they affect us. How we tend to live out what we are called even if it's a lie. I have found this to be true. My pastor has been teaching from the book of John and if I remember correctly it was John who referred to Himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loved." I was thinking and even wrote down in my notes, how much more we would trust Him, if we all thought of ourselves that way. Cause really, I'm the disciple that Jesus loves, and so are you. We all are!! So, why don't we think that way about ourselves and talk that way about ourselves? I think it starts out as something we feel would be too prideful, so we don't say it or write it, or however we communicate, we don't communicate to others that we are loved by Jesus. We say "Jesus loves YOU" but how often do we say "Jesus loves me." Not often, and I think we need to. I don't think it's arrogant to say that I'm the disciple Jesus loves. Other people might, but I think it's honest. He does. In all my imperfection, all my failures, all my sin, Jesus loves ME! Totally and completely. Pastor talked a few weeks ago about how labels define us, even when we don't want them, too. Oh, how I know that to be true! I was labelled, "stupid", "ugly", "lazy", "a failure", and all sorts of other things and I've believed them and proved them over and over again. I'm trying to replace those old lies with God's Truth. I'm trying to believe what He says about me. I'm saying His Truth from His Word out loud. I'm memorizing His Word (or trying to anyway) and studying it. Recently on Twitter, one of my followers said that I had "strength and beauty in my God", when trying to suggest people to follow. I did a double take. Wait, did that say @shellpaparazzo (my twitter name)? Why, yes, it did! What did she just call me. I went to bed that night with the thought in my head, "I am strong and beautiful," and I smiled! If my toe wasn't hurting so badly, I probably would have actually slept as well! I felt such peace and love thinking of myself that way. Did I feel arrogant? Not at all!!! I know I didn't come by strength and beauty on my own! God gave them to me! No effort of mine made me that way. I believe that in the time that person started following me, I had begun to express strength and beauty even on twitter, as God has been transforming my mind and changing my heart! I love Him so much! And I am so grateful! There is no way I would be anywhere or be able to do anything without Him! I know that to the depth of my being! I know who I was when He found me better than anyone does, and trust me when I tell you, I believe in miracles, because I AM ONE!! No doubt about it! Now, I hope this blog post can be followed somewhat. I know I mostly just spit out my thoughts! Final thought (although I think I might have mentioned it earlier): I LOVE JESUS!!!!!

Update On The Paparazzos

I would like to update you on family life! My husband got a deer on his birthday! Not a big one. It didn't even have antlers, and it was NOT a doe! It was a buck! You have never tasted such tender, delicious meat in your life! Jeremiah will be turning 13 on the 11th (God help us all!) though we've been dealing with hormones as many of you know for quite sometime. His voice is very crackly. He sounds hoarse all the time now. It's sort of weird. I hear when my nephew went through this stage, instead of crackling he just totally lost his voice and when he started talking again he sounded like a MAN! How boring!!! You didn't even get to laugh at him, I guess. (I wasn't around him at all during that time.) Jeremiah sounds hilarious when he gets upset!!! It's awesome!! I try not to point it out to much, though, cause Angela makes fun of him enough as it is! Jeremiah finished up football and is now playing basketball. He's a little disappointed because he didn't make the A team. He's on the B team. That's okay. It's his first year, and not playing as much will help him to focus on getting a couple of his grades back up. They're not bad, but he wants straight A's because he was promised some cash if that happens :) Whatever it takes to keep him motivated! This is why he'll be playing 4 sports this year. He loves sports of almost all kinds, and knows he can't play if he doesn't keep his grades up, so we let him play. If you're wondering how it's 4 sports and not 3 sports, it's because the junior high here separates basketball season from wrestling season, so he'll be wrestling in January. He'll be done with basketball by Christmas.

Angela is our newly crowned 11 year old! She is making friends left and right, had a terrible time deciding which one friend she was going to invite to go to the movies this weekend with her and her dad. This will be her birthday celebration. Her birthday was on the 1st. The weekend before, we were focused on Halloween. (I really should've dressed as a pumpkin the year she was born. I wouldn't have even needed any stuffing! My belly would do fine! I was anti-Halloween back then!) Then, of course, during the week we are too busy. Her with school and Josh with work. She and I have been shopping the last couple of days after school. She got money from her grandma (my mom). She ended up buying a couple of books with her money! She loves this new series called the Dork Diaries. I have to admit they're kind of cute! And totally remind me of the awkward middle school years! The perfect thing to make her feel she isn't alone! The author is a genious, I swear!!! Perfect for girls her age! And it's got her interested in reading, so it makes mama and her teacher's happy! She read the first two last year, cause she checked them out at the library when they first got them in!!! They have 2 more out now, and they were on sale at Wal-Mart, so she bought both of them! She's so excited and took them to school today, cause she can't wait to brag! She's only the 2nd girl in the class to get one of them, and the newest one, no one else in her class has yet, so she's super excited!!! On our budget, she isn't often the first to get anything!!! She asked me on the way back from Wal-Mart last night if I have an "inner voice" that warns me about stuff! Cause she says she does. She's been warned away from many situations and people! She's later realized some of the time, why those things were not a good idea, and sometimes not, but she figures there must be a reason! I was blown away, and nearly slammed on the brakes of my car in excitement for my baby girl!!! I told her, "Sweetie! That's the Holy Spirit!" It's just amazing to me that at 11 years old, she's that in tune with Him!!! She has taken to doing her devotionals on a daily basis within the last year, and that must be why!! Amazing!!!

Chloe's still her totally sanguine self!!! Halloween was hilarious! Everything was so exciting! Apparently her favorite candy in the whole world is smarties! Such a simple candy, and yet she jumped up and down with such joy every time she got them!!! When we went to the Harvest Festival at the Nazarene church, she got these tickets they give out at the game stations and they can turn them in for little toy type things, and she came running out of the store, jumping up and down and waving her new prize in me and Josh's faces, squealing "I got a glow stick! I got a glow stick!" The simplest things, I'm telling you, are the greatest treasures to her!!! You gotta love her!!! What else are you gonna do with that bundle of energy?!

Anyway, you mostly know what I'm up to, cause I talk about myself all the time, so that's all for now!

Peter Walking On The Water

Okay, not quite as late being on here as I have been in the past, so we're going to try to write a real post this time. I wanted to talk to you about Peter walking on the water, so let's see if I can gather my thoughts. First, I have to get out my bible! Ha! That would help!!!

Matthew 14:25-32
During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.

This is the passage I was telling you about a few weeks ago that hit me in a new way. Read this so many times, as I know many of you have as well, but something hit me that never hit me before. Now, as many of you know, I'm doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free book, not the workbook, just the book, right now. Yes, I said I'm doing it, almost as though it were a bible study, and not just a book. Sort of doing it in my own way and sometimes I go back and read a chapter or two or three over again and look up many of the scriptures again! For instance, this is actually in chapter 7 of her book, and I am currently back in chapter 5 again! I know, I'm weird! I have referred to my workbook, Breaking Free, that I did years ago, from time to time as well. In the book, Mrs. Moore talks about how the storm continues as Peter walks out onto the water, that Jesus doesn't calm the storm until after they're back in the boat, and that He may not always calm our storms either, but ask us to trust Him in the midst of the storm(loosely translated, I believe that's sort of what she was getting at.) The chapter is on enjoying the presence of God and so she was emphasizing that while we might not enjoy the storm, we can enjoy His presence in the midst of the storm, but even though that was the emphasis she was taking and yes, it did resonate with me, something else about that passage hit me that she didn't emphasize. I believe God emphasized it for me! This was particularly important to me in my situation.

As you all know, I have struggled with depression almost all of my life, and the part that really jumped out at me was when Peter cried out and Jesus "reached out his hand and caught him." This just made my heart squeeze again. Even just a minute ago when I wrote that it grabbed my heart once again, and made me love Jesus even more! I just can't get over it! I'm telling you, this was HUGE to me, and I bet you're wishing I would just hurry up and tell you instead of just telling you that it meant a lot to me. I thought about the fact that Peter doubted. I've often thought that when I doubted God in the midst of depression that He would just let me drown, but no! Peter doubted, and when he cried out to Jesus, even while doubting, "Jesus reached out his hand and caught him." Do you see where I'm going with this!!! I would have expected Him to be like, "Well, since you doubted I'm just going to let you drown!" But that's NOT what Jesus did! First He "reached out his hand...." Oh, how those words right there just grab me every time!!! When, I cry for Him, even when I doubt His ability to rescue me, to heal me, or His desire to do so, He will still reach back for me, and save me! He won't let me drown in depression! As long as I keep crying out to Him, no matter how weak my faith is, He'll reach back every single time! He rescued him and only then did He ask him why he had doubted! And he only asked him once. He didn't lecture. I love that about God. I don't think He has ever lectured me! Pastors have lectured me, counselors have lectured me, my parents (of course: insert eye roll) have lectured me, my husband may have even lectured me a time or two, but God never has!!! He doesn't need to. He knows I'm either listening or I'm not. No point in lecturing, because after all, I will just roll my eyes. I'll admit it. I'm not much less rebellious than I was as a teenager with my parents. (I can't believe I just admitted that!) I felt like God whispered sweetly to me, while holding me in His arms at that very moment, that I read that and said, "My Child. I'm. Not. Going. To let you drown!" He's not. He's going to reach back, every single time that I cry out to Him in fear that I'm going to drown. Then we'll work on increasing my faith. But only after He catches me. Oh, I love Him soooooo much! Have I mentioned that! He is My Jesus! And I wish I could say that I'll never doubt Him again, but I probably will, and He'll reach out and catch me....again!!!

Revisiting My Priorities

Wow! It's been more than a week! That is sooo sad!:( My priorities have been so screwed up lately, but I'm getting them straightened out again, as God is showing me that the times I don't spend in His Word, for the longest, are the times that my issues seem to take complete control. They're always there to test me, but they don't get the full blown control until I fail to prioritize my time with Him. That's all for now. I swear, one of these days I really will give you a real blog post!