They Didn't Turn My Internet Off!!!!

Ya'll, they still haven't turned off my internet!!! Eeeeekkkk! This addict is sooooooooo happy!!!! Yay! And sick! Miserable sick! So, I went shopping today and thanks to the Big Mama blog and her "Fashion Friday" posts I feel like I really know what's in style, so I wasn't totally shocked by what I found at the mall. Usually, whatever is the new trend makes me go, eeeewww, do I have to wear that, when I get to the mall finally after being holed up most of the winter, in the springtime, but not this year!!! Thank you, Melanie!!!! Never met you in person, but I sure hope to someday! Almost got to meet you in Houston, but nope. Didn't happen this year! Maybe next time! But I got a dress with this diagonal black and white stripes that I am going to look so great in tomorrow night, IF I can find my nylons, dress shoes (either white or black, either one works!At least I got that to work with!), makeup, jewelry and hair stuff, if needed. My hair generally looks good as is anyway...I have awesome hair, so that's good!! In all of this mess, I have to find all of that and we are doing a ton more cleaning and packing tomorrow and so we have to get up and bust a move and be done by 2, so I can get a shower and get all gussied up, get the kids to wherever they need to go, which we've only got two of them figured out so far! It's a good thing they didn't get around to shutting off our internet today, because that is the only communication Jeremiah has with the Couch family, our pastor's family. He's best friends with their boy, Caleb, so it's good that he still can communicate with Caleb that way, so we can make sure he gets where he needs to go in time. Angela, we have to get to her friend, Lucy's house before 3, and we have to be out of here by 3! We have no idea what we're going to do with Chloe! The only friend of hers, who's parents I know, is not available this weekend, Jeni's daughter's sick, so she can't stay there! I'm hoping maybe the Couch's (grammar? Not sure how that works?) can take one more kid. Seems she'd blend right in and probably play with their 6 year old, but that's why I'm having Jeremiah talking to Caleb online! Why in the world do we not have their phone number? I have no idea! I really hate it when I talk to myself on here, but hey, this is what I do in my head all day long, so welcome to Shellie Paparazzo's brain:) I promise I won't let you in too far. It gets pretty scary in here sometimes, as you know. I really haven't let you in on the really bad stuff! I know! You're scared! Me, too!!!! Believe me! I told you, I hardly sleep. Now you know why :) Okay, but seriously, I don't know how I'm going to box everything up, and THEN get beautiful to go to this fancy dinner thing in SPOKANE!!!! Really?!!! Couldn't they have waited a week?!! Just for us?!!!! So, we have to leave by 3...come to think of it, I should probably start getting ready at 1;30! Yikes! This is insane!!!And I still don't know if my youngest will have anyone to stay with!!! Double yikes!!! So, we'll get back, probably around midnight, if not later! Then, get up Sunday morning to get ready for church, go to church, come home, load up the moving truck, and finish cleaning the house and go to the hotel!!! Then, get up Monday morning, do some last minute errands we forgot to take care of and drive to Spokane to unload and get moved in and hopefully start getting kids registered for school and what not. So insane!!! And, ya'll, I do have my kids cold and it's awful! I just want to sleep! Is that too much to ask?! Apparently, it is!! I'm dying here! Please pray for me and my family and that we won't kill each other, and by that I mean, that I won't kill anyone, because I don't think they will, although, with Angela in the mix that's debatable, and oh, yeah, Jeremiah has his moments, and so does Chloe, and oh, boy!!! Does Josh ever have his moments!!! I know he won't mind me saying so. He knows it, I know it, everyone who knows him knows it, so it's all good. So, pray for us. This is going to be crazy and stressful and hopefully God will give us lots of peace and supernatural strength and energy for the task ahead...and some good cough medicine that doesn't knock you out might help, too! Don't think I have any of that around here. Might have to work on that! Bye for now!

Goodbye,Moscow! We'll Soon Be Saying Helllllllooooo Spokane!!!

Well, I thought I'd say goodbye for a few days. I'm going to miss all of you and just miss blogging! I love it! But I need to get offline and get down to business taking care of all of the things I should have been doing all week!!! They're turning my internet off....Ummmm...well, today now. I'm not sure when, but we have an appointment to get our internet hooked up in Spokane on the 13th, so it should only be a short time, but I've never done this moving thing before with an entire family moving out of a house, so I can't predict when I'll actually get back on here. I'll try to take lots of pictures to show you some of the things that will be part of this experience. Maybe even some pictures with some of my favorite people that I'm going to miss so much here in Moscow! Some are coming to help us move, so that'll be great! I know of at least one family that will be here and I understand Josh's brother-in-law, Danny, will be here helping for sure, and I have no idea who from Real Life will show up, but it should be exciting! Goodbye until at least Tuesday most likely!

More Of The Last Week In Moscow

Well, Chloe is sick :( She's been coughing a lot ever since we did some major cleaning and packing this last weekend, stirring up some major dust! Which she and I are allergic to. It really didn't bother me as I took on the task of scrubbing out the water stains in the bathtub, which took HOURS, even with the miracle that is Bar Keeper's Friend. No, it isn't an alcoholic, that would be me! I would imagine it's a cleaner that a Bar Keeper came up with to get rid of tough stains in his bar. Well, it works great on bathtubs, too! I plan on keeping this stuff on hand all the time from now on as I imagine most places we live will have hard water. I've never bothered before. I just figured that when you live in Moscow, it's just something you have to put up with. That was before someone who cleans houses for a living looked at my house and told me this stuff would take it off. I'm not going to bother with the sink or toilet. The bathtub was the worst and took way too long. Just let me tell you, if you think you want a giant Jacuzzi bathtub, just imagine cleaning it!!! I'm thinking it's not worth it at this point, but then, since we never got the jets working, I never really got to enjoy it, so I might have thought it worth it if I'd gotten to bathe in it WITH the jets going! That never happened though. I'm looking forward to the hot tub in the hotel next Sunday night before we take off for Spokane. Yes, we're going to stay at the local Best Western after we pack up the house and leave on Monday morning after taking care of a few last minute things we forgot about doing (like getting our mail forwarded! Oops!). I'm sure there's probably many things that we forgot about doing in all the craziness. It's not like we've ever done this before. We've lived in Moscow all of our married life, so all of that stuff was still pretty easy to take care of after we moved being in the same time. This is all new and totally crazy!

Anyway, I did mention that I think Jeremiah is obsessed with Wrestling right? Well, I'm listening to him Wrestling Chloe right now and teaching her to Wrestle! Yes, I think obsession might be an understatement! Wrestling season is OVER bud! Get over it! Nope. Don't think it's going to happen. He's already asked if we can put a Wrestling mat in the basement at the new house. Yep, he's hooked :)

Updates And Last Week Here!

Okay, y'all! It's late, but I wanted to say hi and just update you on a couple of details. We went to my son's final wrestling tournament of the year. The most important one. The one everybody in their conference, league, or whatever they call it wrestles against each other in their individual weight classes to see who the best wrestler's in each weight class are. Well, without too much fanfair (although I'm sure he would love some) my son, Jeremiah, beat everyone in his weight class (or at least beat those who'd beat others) and got 1st place, a golden trophy (yes, a trophy) and just the awesome feeling of being the best 120 lb junior high wrestler in our area! Yay, Jeremiah! He's totally hooked and his former wrestler daddy is pleasantly surprised, actually thrilled would be more like it! This is the first year he's shown any interest in wrestling. Josh and I agreed when we first got married, that even though we were both college athletes and obviously had had dreams of cheering our own children on in the sports we love, we would not push our children in any particular direction where extracurricular activities are concerned. We did mention to him several times, casually, when he was little, that Moscow has a pee wee wrestling club. Josh would have had him on the mat at 5 years old if he'd seemed at all interested. He was much more interesting in sports where you kicked, hit, or carried a ball in some way. Football, soccer, and of course, baseball! Many of you know my sports were Cross-Country and Track, which are basically the same thing, since all I ever did was run long distance. Okay, I tried the shorter distances as a junior high student, but I sucked as a sprinter! And that is an understatement, trust me!!! I'm of the impression, personally, that anyone who has the heart for it, can be successful as a runner. Obviously, some with certain body types will be more successful than others, but successful none-the-less. In other words, you might not take home trophies, but you won't be dead last either. I was usually somewhere in the average range, middle of the pack, when it came to running, though, I got better and won a few awards as time went on. I often wonder how far I could've gone if I hadn't let the loser I was dating before Josh talk me into quitting, but looking back does no good where that sort of thing is concerned. I made the choices I've made and I have 3 adorable children and an adorable husband to show for it, so I'd say I've done okay. I may not be the skinny little runner I used to be, but at least I can raise my children well. I must admit moving to Spokane has got me thinking about Bloomsday, which I always wanted to run in. I'm totally out of shape at the moment, but maybe I'll walk in it this year and then if that doesn't get me wanting to run again, I don't know what will! I love competition. I love having others to pace myself against! I love the crowds and the cheering and just all of it! I miss that and I think getting myself in that environment might just get me interested in running again, at least to get myself healthier. I'm not doing a very good job of taking care of God's temple as I did back then, when I didn't even think of it as God's temple! You know, except for the alcohol, marijuana, and cigarettes! Those obviously weren't good for me! I was pretty good about staying off of that stuff during track and cross-country season, though, cause I was very focused during those times. My son is planning to go out for track at his new school, just like he was planning to do here this year as well. This will be his fourth sport this year. His health teacher, after checking his vitals, dubbed him a "sports addict" and an "elite athlete." I guess he has the resting heart rate of an elite athlete! The "sports addict" thing is kind of obvious! How many kids do you know who play 4 sports a year, are obsessed with football and baseball stats and win championships there first year wrestling? Yeah, that's what I thought! Not many! My son's a stud! It'll be interesting to see what the girl's will do. So far, Chloe wants to be a cheerleader and possibly a runner. That's going to be the girl after my own heart, I'm telling you! Then, there's Angela! All she mostly wants to do is act and sing! She's my little performer. The others are somewhat interested in that themselves, but not as much as she is. She is obsessed. She didn't get a part in the Missoula Children's Theatre production (which would have made this last Saturday insane, but we'd have figured it out! We've done it before! Three kids running in three different directions. We knew this would eventually happen when we decided to let our kids pursue their own interests instead of pushing them to do what we like to do.) and even Jeremiah said at lunch on Sunday after Angela saying that even the girls that did the auditions said this was their first year in professional theatre that it was "obviously a rookie mistake, not giving my sister a part." Yep, even Jeremiah admitted after last year that Angela's an acting genius! The girl loves the stage and the stage loves her, I'm telling you! We're actually thinking about getting her to the tryouts in Spokane that are happening right after we get there, so she'll have another shot at the Missoula Children's Theatre, plus they have year-round acting groups up there, so we'll definitely get her doing a lot more performance type things. That's what she loves, so that's what we're going to help her do. She would also love to play hockey, but that gets a little too crazy for our time and budget. I've heard much about many opportunities to be in the theatre at little or no cost in Spokane. It'll be exciting to see what God has in store for us up there!

Josh headed to Spokane tonight where he's going to camp out in our house that we're renting and get on a plane tomorrow morning to fly to Tucson, Arizona with some other scouters. There's going to be a conference and a lot of golf playing going on! He deserves it! It's good that he's getting some time to relax before the big move, even if it happens to be while I'm having to finish cleaning and packing without him! I'll get my chance this summer while the kids are all at camp with Josh! I know I'll be spending at least a week or two at home by myself, so it'll all work out. We'll each get our time of rest and relaxation, which is going to be much needed after this crazy year! I'm looking forward to it, but right now I need to get some sleep! I've got to get the Champion and his sisters up tomorrow morning for school by myself :)

Business And Addictions

Have y'all noticed that we can now reply directly to each others comments on here like they do over at WordPress! Such a cool feature! So much easier to find comments someone made to your comment this way, not that it's hard on my blog, but blogger friend's I have who get a lot of comments, it will be soooo much better now! I love it! And I love seeing my replies directly under your comments!!!! That is the one feature that had almost made me want to switch to WordPress, but I don't really know how to do that without losing the things I've written here. I don't want to have to start all over with a totally new URL that I have to send y'all over to and have to bounce back and forth between here and there for a while until my posts over here are irrelevant to my life, which I doubt will ever totally happen if you know what I mean, but you also know what I mean about it not being important enough to look and see if something was said that I need to respond to. There's a certain amount of time I'd need to keep tabs on these posts. I'm also having an issue that the email address this is attached to won't exist in just 8 more days, which I also will not have internet at that point, so you won't hear from me after the ninth until we get hooked back up in Spokane, most likely with Comcast, so my roadrunner account will no longer be. I love gmail and opened up a new gmail account for all of my personal mail (I already had one for business purposes and facebook and twitter and all that that I don't want cluttering my personal email account :)) but since I actually liked it better than my roadrunner webmail I decided to go ahead and go with that. Plus, I can use it wherever I'm at. I won't have to worry about my email being connected directly to my internet provider so I have to change it every time I move or change providers! That's just a pain! I wasn't worried about it here, cause I knew we'd be here awhile and never would leave Time Warner, since they are the only cable provider and cable is by far the best high-speed internet money can buy in my opinion (which is why we'll be with Comcast up there.) We're not on the fastest cable internet, but it's still pretty good. We'd have to pay more for the faster one, which would be worth it, but won't work in our budget. We still stick with cable though, even though it costs a tad more, because we're just that addicted to the internet. Anyway, the problem I found is that you can't attach another google acount to your blog! I really don't want to open up a hotmail account or something just to have a valid email attached to this account, but I may have to. Ugh! Just what I needed, 3 email accounts!

And, of course, the addiction issue brings up it's own problems! I'm going to be like "detoxing" for that few days or maybe even up to a week (Dear God, please no!) I hope Josh is addicted enough to not let that happen, but then he has his iPhone, so he's all wired everywhere he goes anyway! Grrrrrrrr! Yes, I was in withdrawals two summers ago for about 2 weeks at Camp Grizzly, the land that technology forgot! My cell phone didn't work there, no wifi, nothing!!! It was torture! It was totally inhumane!!! My husband fixed it last year and brought our router! Praise God! We've been saved!!! I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to Camp Grizzly again this year or staying home like I ended up doing last year. I wasn't going to go, but us moving to Spokane changes things a little, and with everything that's happened I'm not sure I should be so far from a recovery group or counseling or whatever I end up doing up there. I've waited so long for something like this to happen so I could actually build a support network, like an actually effective one with people who are available to me for real and understand me! It will be hard to start getting that established and then leave for two months! I just don't know about that. Maybe we'll just see what happens when I get there. We'll have to play it by ear and see where I'm at with that by the time we have to leave for Camp Grizzly about mid-June. Maybe I'll go for awhile and come back sometimes for a week or 2 at a time, or I'll stay and go to Camp Grizzly for a week or two at a time? The nice thing is is that even with me not having wheels that is possible, because someone (usually the business manager) at Camp Grizzly has to drive to Spokane about once a week to turn in some stuff to the main council office so I can catch a ride with whoever is coming that way one way or the other if I make those arrangements ahead of time, so something will work out to where I can spend a little time at our beloved Camp Grizzly at least during the summer! Yay! I was hating the idea that without wheels my choices were the whole summer at Camp Grizzly, or no Camp Grizzly! Normally, I'm an all or nothing girl, except when I like both options :) That's a really bad quality to have by the way, the all or nothing thing. Gets me in trouble a lot! Can't have a spotless house, so why bother cleaning! Can't get straight A's so who cares about school! Why just drink one beer when you can have the whole case! See where this is a problem? Don't give me a piece of pie! I want the pie!!!! The whole darn thing! And yes, I eat like this, which explains why I'm only 5'2" tall and 170 POUNDS!!!! Yikes!! Look on a height weight chart. That's not good! And no, I'm not big boned! If anything I have tiny, skinny little bones. You should see my arms! They're tiny!!!

Anyway, back to "detoxing." Whether it be physical or emotional I've had to "detox" from so many things in my life it's not even funny!!! As my friend Christie would say anything I try it's been "ismed." Alcoholism, chocoholism, you get the idea! I'm an addict to the core of my being! I'm obsessive to the max! Ask Josh, me "detoxing" is a pain! The one he probably remembers more than any other is the one thing I actually stuck with long enough to become physically addicted. I really never drank consistently enough to have to physically detox from alcohol. Well, okay, I always got a little bit of a headache after a few days, but that's about it. Not even a super bad headache. Nothing a little ibuprofen couldn't handle and me be completely function. And you're not allowed to laugh when I tell you what it was :) Okay, you can if you want but you can't make fun of me, that's the rule! It was Pepsi! Yes, I tried to slowly drop one 12 oz of Pepsi a day, and finally got down to one a day, which I kept trying to drop, but I'd get this horrible headache that would make me nauseous and EXTREMELY CRABBY!!! Somebody suggested I drink half a Pepsi and dump the rest! What?! Are you stinkin' kidding!!!!!! No way! That's precious fluid! I just couldn't do it!!! So, I finally decided I just had to drop that last soda cold turkey and deal with it! I literally laid in bed moaning and clutching my stomach for 3 days like a heroin addict!!!! I'm not kidding!!!! It was ridiculous! At one point Josh said screw it, I'm going to get you a soda! I practically attacked him! I don't know where I got the strength! I cried desperately, "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! We'll just end up back here doing THIS all over again! I'm not doing this AGAIN! I HAVE TO DO THIS!" So, he didn't, but he and the kids went to his mom's house cause no one could stand me for another second! So, yes, I ended up doing that all by myself! I have no doubt now that if I had to and really wanted to do that for alcohol I could. So far I've never had to, like I said. I drank in such short binges that while I'm psychologically addicted I never got super addicted like that physically. Not to alcohol. It's still weird to me that I did that with Pepsi of all things when I didn't do that with alcohol or marijuana or cigarettes!!! Totally nuts! I'm pretty sure I'd do that without internet! Haha!!! Let's not find out, okay? Deal? Thank you. This is one of those addictions I have no intention of recovering from. That, studying God's Word (ummmmm, no stinkin' way!), coffee, and.....I'm not sure what else. I'll have to get back to you on that. :) I'm sure I have zillions I'm unaware of! After all, I'm just an addictive personality!! The funny thing about the Pepsi thing is years earlier Josh had joked that I would be the founder of Pepsiholics Anonymous one day. Hmmmm, maybe I should start this in Spokane :)

So, I will be emotionally a wreck while madly cleaning, packing all the last minute things and all those last 3 days since I won't be able to contact any of you! I threw out all my phone numbers without realizing it! Yikes! Moving mishaps, I guess. These things happen. Also, an emotional wreck while trying to move IN! Yikes! This is going to be scary!!!! Picture me with a look of terror right now. Yes, that's right. Just like that :) So how are all of you?

Crying Out To Jesus (and other things)

Okay, I'm sitting on my bed, or I was sitting on my airbed (yes, still sleeping on an air mattress. Will be for a while.) with my heel over the hole the cat put in it to keep it from leaking air quite as quickly, until my leg got to tired from being in that position as I read others blogs, so now I have my knee over the hole which probably isn't as effective. Josh is getting a repair kit later today to fix it. The cats not allowed in our room anymore. We're pretty sure she did it with her claws. Ugh!

Anyway, I've been busy. Not busy packing, which I should be. Not busy cleaning, which I also should be. Busy doing laundry? Well, yes, of course, I'm always busy doing that! It's the never ending, all consuming chore!!! At least I don't have to use a broom to do the job, right Angela? :) Sorry, most of you will have no clue what I was just talking about, but I'm sure it will at least get a smile from my friend, Angela Gifford. And by the way, if you're wondering, yes, I did name my daughter after her. The one who's walking a very thin line right now. But you're all probably wondering what I'm so busy doing, since I'm not busy doing the things I should be doing right now. Well, if you read my last blog post, which was in the middle of what I was busy doing, you'll be glad to know, I've been busy reading scripture, crying out to God to just plain "help me!" (ever done that?) and to please change my desires, because as you know, I was desiring alcohol, which is an incredibly self-destructive desire of mine along with many other unhealthy desires I have, but I'm not as concerned about those right now. Which, actually, I must admit I felt much better and MUCH less concerned about getting drunk after I ate a Cappucino frozen yogurt with tons of different types of chocolate toppings that my man brought home from Jamms last night. Awesome place! If you have one near you, go!!! I love it! It's a little expensive, but it's a great treat once in a while! It just opened up here last summer and I'm in love. I only wish I could also visit the spa next door, which my daughter, Angela, did last weekend with her friend, Lucy, who goes to the spa all the time. She decided to treat Angela last week to celebrate her birthday a little late. Lucy and I share the same birthday, so I always remember her birthday. I'm still not speaking to Angela about such matters, because I have never in my entire life had a pedicure and the only time I had a manicure it was at a beauty school, so it wasn't really professional. Her hands and feet looked amazing and she kept telling me about the cool things they did to her feet that felt soooo good and I glared at her :) Anyway, thank you, Josh! You are my hero!!! How about a pedicure next time :) I'm just kidding. I know we can't afford that. I have no idea how you pulled off the fro-yo, except that you sacrificed for me, cause that's just how awesome you are! So, that's me right now. And, honestly, feeling a lot less of a desire to drink. I think about a whole lot more than just that now. Thank you, Jesus! I'm sure there will be a lot more temptations to come and a whole lot more pain as I work through things from my past. The hurt and the anger is surfacing so much, and you can ask my family, I'm extremely crabby, so pray for them, too, if you think about it.

Packing And The Drama Of Driving

I seriously never before have wished more than I do right now that we hadn't lost the chord to the camera, so I could charge it and take pictures! I just read about Keith and Beth Moore moving out of their home of 27 years on the LPM blog and she had all sorts of pictures of things that had memories attached to them! I've found so many things here that I wish I could do that with! Unlike her, I don't have my husband experiencing this with me! He's busy getting work stuff taken care of to leave for the next DE here. And, of course, he will be cleaning out his office. He'll actually be going from an actual office to a cubicle! That almost seems like a step down! I mean, it's about the same size as the tiny office he has here, but without the privacy of an actual door, you know what I mean!?! I would find working in a cubicle very distracting and difficult to get any work done, with all the other people around you, but that's me for you. Like I've mentioned before, ADD. It's also in a very busy part of town. We kept hearing sirens and other things outside. It's right across the street from the Spokane Arena for those of you who are familiar with the area. Yeah, the emergency vehicles go right by his window to go just about anywhere it seems. I'm imagining those type of vehicles going by that area is probably a pretty regular thing. It could just be we were there at a bad time and something major had just happened! Anyway, obviously, also, I have not lived here 27 years! That would mean I moved in when I was 10 since I'll be 37 in just two days! Yes, you may send me gifts :) I'm not shy! I'm actually hoping, along with a new set of earphones for my iPod, since mine have a short, good ones with good quality sound, not the cheap ones I usually buy, that my man will buy me a new power chord for my camera :) Yes, he does read this blog, so I am hinting. I know because of the move we don't have a lot of money to spare. We're going to be spending a lot of it on like a new washing machine, and some furniture, things like that (that's going to make up for the jacuzzi bath he never hooked up that was supposed to be for my 31st birthday :)) This would be why I'm asking for practical things like power chords. Besides it only seems appropriate since he did buy me the camera last year for my birthday :) I really over use that smile, don't I?

Anyway, back to the packing thing. I had to clean out my car the other day, because we had to sell that *sniff sniff* I found a t-shirt I bought Angela a long time ago, that probably would have fit Chloe now, but it was filthy from being in the back of my car for so long. It wasn't stinky or moldy or anything so I probably could have saved it, but against my better judgment I threw it away! I just didn't want something that dirty in my washing machine when I have so many other things to wash right now! I felt like I ought to have a ceremony for it, though! It was heart wrenching throwing it in that barrel. It had a picture of a coffee mug and a little bubble that said, "sugar?" It had another bubble in another corner that said, "No thanks!" and in the center in big letters it said, "I'm Sweet Enough Already" *sniff sniff*

I also felt we should have a service for my car! I know it's just a 1995 Subaru Legacy, but you have no idea what this car has taken me through! To put it in perspective for you, do you remember your first car? The first car you ever owned? All yours, no else's or at least you were the primary driver? That's what this car was for me! My first car. And it might have had extra special meaning to me, because as some of you have probably figured out, I have many, many fears!!! I'm basically scared of everything and one of those things was driving. Really, even of learning how to drive, or more like, being afraid to prove I can't learn how to drive, or do anything else for that matter. Of proving that my parents were right about me. I really am a no-good for nothing loser, who can't do anything right. I am stupid. All those things they said about me. I didn't want to prove them right...again! So, I was afraid to try. I'm still afraid to try new things. I'm afraid of not being perfect, which is what was expected of me, so I finally got my driver's license in October of 2008. This was monumental for me! This was after I don't know how many driver's permits, including the one's I had in high school, that never translated into me taking the test, which scared me most of all. Some guy, staring at my every move and marking things down on paper while I attempted to drive and remember all the things I needed to remember. I'm still not a good driver, but I got my license, and as long as I don't get caught in a tight place where I have to back up or turn around, I usually do okay. I've gotten in a few fender benders with that car in a short time and God has been gracious most of the time, in having it be with people who didn't want to report it. Phew! It was my fault always, so it mostly would have hurt me! I did get a misdemeanor charge once for hitting someone. No fun! God provided miraculously for that one by an anonymous person at church leaving some money for us! Thank you, Jesus! I learned how to drive through many tears, panic attacks, and sometimes deep depressions after a particularly hard driving lesson that I felt I failed miserably at! I often gave up only to eventually (sometimes months later) start again. I got devastatingly discouraged and down on myself. I still do in regards to driving. I'm still not comfortable driving, especially if there's a lot of heavy traffic, which is one reason we decided to sell the car. If I won't drive unless I absolutely have to in Moscow, I'm not driving at all in Spokane for a while. I might try occasionally, with Josh in his Santa Fe. I'll definitely keep up my license, which means I'll be getting a Washington license in a few months. After I just renewed my Idaho license at that! Sheesh! I hope a Washington license isn't too expensive! And I hope I only have to take a written test to get my Washington license. Can you imagine me taking a driver's test in Spokane!!! Yikes!! We'll find out all that soon enough. For awhile I'll be walking and riding the bus, though. But yes, I want to keep my license just in case.

Our New House In Spokane!

Okay, I sort of promised I'd tell you about the house, so even though I'm exhausted and would really rather go back to bed, here goes! First of all, it has a basement! And a backyard!!! With a fence around it! Love it, love it, love it! It's pretty small. Much smaller than it looked in the pictures, although the bathroom is actually bigger than it looks in the pictures. Still small, though. It actually has four bedrooms, even though it's no advertised as having four bedrooms, cause they can't officially classify the fourth one as a bedroom, because it has no windows. It's in the basement. There's a small, kind of recreation room downstairs and the washroom on the other side for the washer and dryer. There's even those big utility sinks like my mom has in her washroom! So handy! And next two the washroom is like a pantry area, cellar type thing! There's all sorts of shelving and things built in for storage. It's got some neat, storage features that are really impossible to explain. You'd have to see it, and some of you probably will, eventually :) We're planning to put all our entertainment stuff in the recreation room. The tv and all of the video equipment and what not. We'll probably put a lot of the kids toys down there as well. Honestly, the bedrooms aren't much bigger than our bedrooms in the trailer, but with the downstairs, it'll make all the difference, cause all their playthings won't have to be in the bedroom with them. There's also a small, 3/4 bath downstairs. It's a sink and a toilet with one of those single standing shower stalls. It's not fancy, but it'll work. Jeremiah doesn't require much, so I would imagine he'll use that one a lot, since he's already downstairs anyway. Upstairs in the main part of the house, are, of course, the other three bedrooms. The girls will still share a room and we'll most likely use the extra room as a guest room/office type thing. We'll decide more once we get everything up there and start situating ourselves. The kitchens not real big and there's hardly any counter space, but we're thinking of putting a folding table in the dining room with the toaster, and microwave and all that to free up some space. Also Josh is thinking of either buying or building one of those rollaway bar type things, for some more counter space, cause there's literally like only a small square of counter space on either side of the sink. It does have a dishwasher. A fairly nice one from the looks of it, so that's great! Of course, a small dining room that has a blackboard! I may have to explain to the kids what that is :) Yes, personally, I would prefer a white board and will probably replace it with one eventually. We have a whiteboard at home, which I'll probably put somewhere else and save that space for another one maybe. I don't know. We'll just have to see. I know we'll probably change our minds a zillion times before we decide for sure how we want to use each space. We have some patio space outside, which is very nice. The living room has a gas fireplace which is really nice and has a lovely inlaid (I think that's how you say it) picture of three horses running, which my youngest daughter is especially going to love!!! She absolutely loves horses! I must admit, I kind of liked it, too. I am totally in love with that gas fireplace as well! Awesome! I've always loved the way a fireplace makes a home feel cozy, but never liked the mess it can make, or the whole idea of an actual fire in the house or even one I have to light. I have this very unreasonable fear of fire. Apparently from my childhood. From what my sister has told me, I guess she and her friend threatened to burn me (literally) if I told on them for playing with matches and candles and such in my dad's pull trailer thing out in the field with the cows, when I caught them doing that. So anyway, I'm terrified of fire to this day. I'm a little better than I used to be, but I'm still uncomfortable with even well controlled flames nearby. Anyway, all that to say that the gas fireplace is the perfect solution to all that. That has to be my favorite feature of the whole house! And then, of course, the small bathroom upstairs. It really isn't big enough for doing make up and what-not, so I'm going to have to put some kind of make-up station in my room and eventually in the girl's room, too. Just thought of that. Wow! Of course they have all kinds of built in storage space right outside the bathroom and bedrooms. The closets are tiny, so we're going to have to do some extra things to make more room for clothes, but we've got some ideas on that anyway. Working on it. It'll be fun. An actual house!!! With a basement and everything! Oh, yeah, and there's a nice big shed outside as well! Oh, and one more thing! The ad said no pets, but we inquired about that and they're letting us keep our cat, Jewel! We were thrilled about that. We weren't looking forward to having to say goodbye to one who has become a member of the family in her own right! So, the family will not be split apart :)

What An Amazing Provision: A Home!!!!

First off, I woke up this morning wanting a drink. And.....the battle rages on....but Satan lost another battle. I didn't drink. In fact, I soon remembered today was THE day....okay, okay, not THE day, exactly, but a BIG step toward THE day! It was the day we would see our soon to be new home. We were already confident that if the house we had an appointment to look at today was anything like the pictures, we were taking it! We'd already been approved to rent by the managers and so it was just a matter of looking at it in person, to really be sure it's what we wanted before we signed anything or gave anybody any money for it. The location itself was worth the rent if it was even decent as far as we were concerned! Two blocks from the public library. I mean, literally a straight shot from our house. No turns and just one street to cross! Awesome! Also a water park right by the library and Grover Middle School where our two oldest will go to school just a short stroll away! We're not sure exactly for sure what elementary school Chloe will be going to, but we'll figure that out soon enough. We drove by one that most likely appeared like one she'd go to. It's a little bit more of a healthy walk away, but that's okay. I'll just have to walk her there everyday. It'll be good exercise anyway. Plus, if we ever get a little extra cash in the coffers, there's a coffee shop on the way :) Well, that would be on the way back, of course, unless we went ridiculously early in the morning!!! Otherwise, I'll just have to get her straight to school! I'd want to walk her anyway, since she's still kind of young, and in a town she's not yet familiar with and will no longer have her sister to walk with, since it looks like they'll be going different directions to go to school. Angela I'm not worried about, since her school is so close to home and she'll have her 13 year old brother to walk with, who WILL be nice to her or he'll have me to deal with later!!!! And she'll be nice back or suffer the same fate!!! Tons of shopping and what-not nearby! At least the only kind I'll be doing for a while! A Wal-Mart, Safeway, not one but TWO Starbucks, I kid you not! And no, I won't be enjoying any of that for a while either :( Poor me. Oh, well. I'll survive! I may have to find a way to bring in a little income, but somehow we'll make it work. Lots more expenses up there, so we'll have to figure that out in time, and I'm sure we will. God has a plan and it's for my good. I know it! I just have to choose to believe it, which I'm constantly reminding myself of. I was hoping to get back into going to some recovery meetings and maybe counseling and a ladies bible study, but if I have to forego those things a while longer for the good of my family, I'll do what I have to do, and who knows, schedules may work out to where I can do some of those other things as well. I sure hope so. Or maybe God will provide in some way beyond our wildest imaginations! You just never know what He might do! I've definitely learned that with this promotion! Whoa! That was totally unexpected! Anyway, to make a long story short, we put down some money for the deposit and they're holding it for us, until we sign the lease on March 1st, so we have a home, just got to go through the rest of the process! I'll tell you more about it tomorrow, since I'm hoping to get to better at a much more reasonable hour tonight! (Though by many people's standards I've already passed "reasonable")

This Is Probably What Happens To Your Brain When You're Moving?

I was going to go ahead and write another blog post (making up for lost time :)), but with all of the kids having dinner and doing homework and all that jazz, my brain sort of went poof! I can't even remember what I was going to write about! I have had so many things on my mind the last few weeks that I've thought, "That would make a great blog post!" You know, if I could stop in the middle of life and write down what I was thinking in that moment and actually be able to find my notes later (cause actually have from time to time) I could write some brilliant blog posts and you all would be impressed and tell your editors (if you have those) and I'd be talking to them about now about possible topics for my next book! (You know....after the one I haven't finished yet :)) ................


Oh.....sorry, you're still there! Coming back to earth! I was just at a book signing in New York City....I'm back now! See, here's the problem with that scenario! As much as I love writing, I'm not very disciplined, live in a small house (probably still will live in a small house in Spokane) and have 3 kids, a cat, and a husband, not in that order. I got the husband first actually. I know, shocking, right?! Does that still happen? I probably should have been the poster child for ADD, so, easily distracted? Forgetful? Yes, all that stuff. And three kids with three very loud and individual personalities makes for a crazy, busy life! And like I said, if I had time to take notes in the middle of the craziness that happens in our house......

I've been told by many who've stopped by to visit in the last year that I should just set up a video camera in a corner somewhere where it won't really be noticed and just video tape our family doing our normal everday activities and start sending them to America's Funniest Home Videos. We'd be millionaires in no time! One of Jeremiah's friend that I used to give rides from basketball and wrestling practice for all the time (before my car died and then we sold it) said he never could wait for the car ride home, cause something funny always happens when I give him a ride. We made him laugh all the way home. It's good to know we have talents!:) Hey, maybe we should video tape us and send it to NBC! It's got to be at least as good as anything they have on now!!!

Anyway, actually, I was going to tell you some of my thoughts while packing and cleaning (not all of them! Some of them were disturbing :)) For one thing, I had no idea you could fit this much stuff in a 66 foot trailer before! You probably can't, but I have a knack for stacking things from the floor to the ceiling! (Not really, but you get the idea.) Also, cleanliness and organization are not in my vocabulary! Could someone explain to me what those mean?! I have found things I didn't even know I owned, and now I don't remember what they were! I do remember thinking, "If I didn't know I owned this I probably don't need it, so I should put it with the stuff going to the Hope Center." But then I thought, "Yeah, but I sure could've used this if I'd known I had it and I can't definitely see where it could be useful again." I also have found things I've been looking for for years!!! I haven't found Chloe's glasses that she lost last fall, though, which I was really hoping would happen! It could still. I've actually barely done anything! It's kind of sad really! I need to get down to business, but it just is so boring! You know, until you found that thing you didn't know you had and wonder where it actually came from.......Hmmmm, never mind. I raised three kids in this house! One from 3 to 13! I probably don't want to know!!!! Some questions are just best left unasked. See, not very disciplined. It's way more fun playing with the kids. Oh, well, that's all I have for now, since having to help Chloe with multiplication has officially fried my brain!

How come no one told me I'd have to do third grade all over again....3 more times.....and all three times I'd fail? I passed the first time!!! What's the deal?! Oh, yeah, my teachers just wanted rid of me. I actually sucked at math then, too!!! I remember now!

Random Babbling From Shellie

Wow! Three weeks!!!! Seriously! No wonder I've been posting ridiculously long comments on other people's blogs!!!! I've been basically writing blog posts of my own on...well....okay, Beth Moore's blog, since her's is the only one I go directly, too, without going to my blogger account first! Ha! Anyway, I had to laugh as I read some of my previous posts to catch myself up on what I had written (now that is when you KNOW it's been too long!) Anyway, yes, clearly the writer in me is STARVING!!! I might as well, except it, I'm a writer to the core of my being whether I ever choose to publish anything or not!! I just love to write, and I love the much more safe interaction of all of you not being in front of me. And my nerves just don't get in the way as much when I'm writing as when I'm with people in person. I seriously have full on anxiety attacks when I'm with others and they want to know about my personal life and my relationship with God (which is VERY personal!). You just usually can't tell because I'm very good at hiding it. Probably a skill I learned through years of public speaking growing up, which scares me to death by the way, even though people always told me I always looked so confident, especially with a microphone in my hand! Ha! If they could only look closer and see the racing heart and sweaty hands and feeling like I can't breathe. Okay, that one is new. It feels a little like an elephant is sitting on my chest and it happens regularly now!!! Yes, my chest gets very tight! I break out in a cold sweat! It's awful!

Okay, back to what I was saying about laughing (told you, highly unorganized). I'm laughing because of how much it shows how upset I get when I can't see what God is doing! I was talking about living here until my kids graduate!!! Ha! We're out of here next month! I kid you not! My husband got offered a promotion and he accepted! I never thought he'd accept a promotion until the kids were all out of school! But he did! Mostly because he started realizing, more and more, that I need HELP! And it's not going to happen as long as I live here! We're moving to Spokane, Washington, which was where the closest counselors I could find are! I was a little disappointed, because I'd finally convinced my husband to go to Real Life and now we're leaving, but they have to church plants in Spokane! And, honestly, if they didn't, I think we'd be willing to drive to Post Falls to be around loving, forgiving, gracious people who truly care! The original Real Life Ministries is in Post Falls. I'm pretty sure that's the original. I know it's the one I first knew about! I've wanted to be a part of Real Life ever since I first heard about them! They seemed like everything a church should be according to the Word of God! (Whoa! What a concept!) and when I first heard that they were coming to Moscow I was ecstatic! Just took me this long to convince my husband that's the place to be! As I understand it, they're all basically the same as far as the attitudes and hearts of the people. I'm sure they do different things depending on the needs of the people where they're at. Anyway, Jeremiah and the pastor's s0n, Caleb, between church, youth group, and school, even being on the same sports teams, have become the best of friends....and now we're moving! Thank God for facebook! That's all I have to say. And Caleb pointed out on Sunday, that Spokane's not THAT far away! It's not like they won't be up there and we won't be back here every now and again. They'll most likely still be able to see each other once in awhile other than on facebook. We do still have family in the area after all, and I'm sure we can squeeze in some friend time in all the family craziness during holidays and vacations. It will help us keep our sanity anyway, cause as much as we love family, too much time spent with ANYONE can drive you a little crazy after a while, right?! Much needed escapes are good for all involved, so we don't end up hating each other and never speaking again! Josh and I came up with a good rule of thumb. No more than 3 days spent at any relatives house. After the third day, we've observed, everybody (not just us) gets a little cranky with each other! It's a little different with friends I would imagine. You don't know each other in the same way, so you can't get in each other's business quite as painfully, plus you pick your friends based on what you like, you don't pick your family, so you get all kinds of personality conflicts mixed up in there! If you have a personality conflict with a friend, generally speaking, you just don't end up being good friends who hang out much. You don't have that option with family. So, anyway, this is a totally random post, and I think I've made the decision that I'm going to do a little more editting on here from now on, although that will mean fewer posts. Obviously, this post is the exception, being the one I'm telling you this on. It still won't be a lot of editting and it will be mostly based on my mood. If I'm in a fairly positive mood, I'll probably just go ahead and post what I wrote without editting, because there's probably not anything in there that I will regret posting later. Or at least, a little bit. Rarely do I regret it enough to delete it. Anyway, mostly when I'm feeling negative, and that doesn't mean there won't ever be anything negative on here, since depression and anxiety are huge issues in my life, but probably a little toned down and saved to be editted later, so by the time it gets to your eyes it will be more of an explanation of the frame of mind I was in than a barrage of my emotional baggage (I think that's the word I'm looking for.) Anyway, it's like only an hour until lunch time and I haven't even had breakfast yet! So.....I'm out!!!!