Business And Addictions

Have y'all noticed that we can now reply directly to each others comments on here like they do over at WordPress! Such a cool feature! So much easier to find comments someone made to your comment this way, not that it's hard on my blog, but blogger friend's I have who get a lot of comments, it will be soooo much better now! I love it! And I love seeing my replies directly under your comments!!!! That is the one feature that had almost made me want to switch to WordPress, but I don't really know how to do that without losing the things I've written here. I don't want to have to start all over with a totally new URL that I have to send y'all over to and have to bounce back and forth between here and there for a while until my posts over here are irrelevant to my life, which I doubt will ever totally happen if you know what I mean, but you also know what I mean about it not being important enough to look and see if something was said that I need to respond to. There's a certain amount of time I'd need to keep tabs on these posts. I'm also having an issue that the email address this is attached to won't exist in just 8 more days, which I also will not have internet at that point, so you won't hear from me after the ninth until we get hooked back up in Spokane, most likely with Comcast, so my roadrunner account will no longer be. I love gmail and opened up a new gmail account for all of my personal mail (I already had one for business purposes and facebook and twitter and all that that I don't want cluttering my personal email account :)) but since I actually liked it better than my roadrunner webmail I decided to go ahead and go with that. Plus, I can use it wherever I'm at. I won't have to worry about my email being connected directly to my internet provider so I have to change it every time I move or change providers! That's just a pain! I wasn't worried about it here, cause I knew we'd be here awhile and never would leave Time Warner, since they are the only cable provider and cable is by far the best high-speed internet money can buy in my opinion (which is why we'll be with Comcast up there.) We're not on the fastest cable internet, but it's still pretty good. We'd have to pay more for the faster one, which would be worth it, but won't work in our budget. We still stick with cable though, even though it costs a tad more, because we're just that addicted to the internet. Anyway, the problem I found is that you can't attach another google acount to your blog! I really don't want to open up a hotmail account or something just to have a valid email attached to this account, but I may have to. Ugh! Just what I needed, 3 email accounts!

And, of course, the addiction issue brings up it's own problems! I'm going to be like "detoxing" for that few days or maybe even up to a week (Dear God, please no!) I hope Josh is addicted enough to not let that happen, but then he has his iPhone, so he's all wired everywhere he goes anyway! Grrrrrrrr! Yes, I was in withdrawals two summers ago for about 2 weeks at Camp Grizzly, the land that technology forgot! My cell phone didn't work there, no wifi, nothing!!! It was torture! It was totally inhumane!!! My husband fixed it last year and brought our router! Praise God! We've been saved!!! I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to Camp Grizzly again this year or staying home like I ended up doing last year. I wasn't going to go, but us moving to Spokane changes things a little, and with everything that's happened I'm not sure I should be so far from a recovery group or counseling or whatever I end up doing up there. I've waited so long for something like this to happen so I could actually build a support network, like an actually effective one with people who are available to me for real and understand me! It will be hard to start getting that established and then leave for two months! I just don't know about that. Maybe we'll just see what happens when I get there. We'll have to play it by ear and see where I'm at with that by the time we have to leave for Camp Grizzly about mid-June. Maybe I'll go for awhile and come back sometimes for a week or 2 at a time, or I'll stay and go to Camp Grizzly for a week or two at a time? The nice thing is is that even with me not having wheels that is possible, because someone (usually the business manager) at Camp Grizzly has to drive to Spokane about once a week to turn in some stuff to the main council office so I can catch a ride with whoever is coming that way one way or the other if I make those arrangements ahead of time, so something will work out to where I can spend a little time at our beloved Camp Grizzly at least during the summer! Yay! I was hating the idea that without wheels my choices were the whole summer at Camp Grizzly, or no Camp Grizzly! Normally, I'm an all or nothing girl, except when I like both options :) That's a really bad quality to have by the way, the all or nothing thing. Gets me in trouble a lot! Can't have a spotless house, so why bother cleaning! Can't get straight A's so who cares about school! Why just drink one beer when you can have the whole case! See where this is a problem? Don't give me a piece of pie! I want the pie!!!! The whole darn thing! And yes, I eat like this, which explains why I'm only 5'2" tall and 170 POUNDS!!!! Yikes!! Look on a height weight chart. That's not good! And no, I'm not big boned! If anything I have tiny, skinny little bones. You should see my arms! They're tiny!!!

Anyway, back to "detoxing." Whether it be physical or emotional I've had to "detox" from so many things in my life it's not even funny!!! As my friend Christie would say anything I try it's been "ismed." Alcoholism, chocoholism, you get the idea! I'm an addict to the core of my being! I'm obsessive to the max! Ask Josh, me "detoxing" is a pain! The one he probably remembers more than any other is the one thing I actually stuck with long enough to become physically addicted. I really never drank consistently enough to have to physically detox from alcohol. Well, okay, I always got a little bit of a headache after a few days, but that's about it. Not even a super bad headache. Nothing a little ibuprofen couldn't handle and me be completely function. And you're not allowed to laugh when I tell you what it was :) Okay, you can if you want but you can't make fun of me, that's the rule! It was Pepsi! Yes, I tried to slowly drop one 12 oz of Pepsi a day, and finally got down to one a day, which I kept trying to drop, but I'd get this horrible headache that would make me nauseous and EXTREMELY CRABBY!!! Somebody suggested I drink half a Pepsi and dump the rest! What?! Are you stinkin' kidding!!!!!! No way! That's precious fluid! I just couldn't do it!!! So, I finally decided I just had to drop that last soda cold turkey and deal with it! I literally laid in bed moaning and clutching my stomach for 3 days like a heroin addict!!!! I'm not kidding!!!! It was ridiculous! At one point Josh said screw it, I'm going to get you a soda! I practically attacked him! I don't know where I got the strength! I cried desperately, "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! We'll just end up back here doing THIS all over again! I'm not doing this AGAIN! I HAVE TO DO THIS!" So, he didn't, but he and the kids went to his mom's house cause no one could stand me for another second! So, yes, I ended up doing that all by myself! I have no doubt now that if I had to and really wanted to do that for alcohol I could. So far I've never had to, like I said. I drank in such short binges that while I'm psychologically addicted I never got super addicted like that physically. Not to alcohol. It's still weird to me that I did that with Pepsi of all things when I didn't do that with alcohol or marijuana or cigarettes!!! Totally nuts! I'm pretty sure I'd do that without internet! Haha!!! Let's not find out, okay? Deal? Thank you. This is one of those addictions I have no intention of recovering from. That, studying God's Word (ummmmm, no stinkin' way!), coffee, and.....I'm not sure what else. I'll have to get back to you on that. :) I'm sure I have zillions I'm unaware of! After all, I'm just an addictive personality!! The funny thing about the Pepsi thing is years earlier Josh had joked that I would be the founder of Pepsiholics Anonymous one day. Hmmmm, maybe I should start this in Spokane :)

So, I will be emotionally a wreck while madly cleaning, packing all the last minute things and all those last 3 days since I won't be able to contact any of you! I threw out all my phone numbers without realizing it! Yikes! Moving mishaps, I guess. These things happen. Also, an emotional wreck while trying to move IN! Yikes! This is going to be scary!!!! Picture me with a look of terror right now. Yes, that's right. Just like that :) So how are all of you?

I'm Back! Sorry For The Long Break

Wow! I have left you guys hanging for a really long time! Since it's past 2 am and I have to get up in just a few hours to go to a family reunion, I'll just let you all know I'm still here. We're all here in fact. I did make it back for the last camp. I left that very night after that last post I wrote and spent the weekend at Camp Grizzly. I'm still hurting. I've learned a few very disappointing things about the counseling group that I've been working with. I'll explain more in a future post, but what it boils down to is legalism, which is one of my biggest pet peeves anyway. I don't need people trying to make me all perfect without any compassion whatsoever and that's basically what they're doing. However, God has been very good to me, and has been ministering to me all by Himself! Who knew? He really doesn't need any help! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt at this point that He has not failed me. Other frail human beings have failed me, but He has not, and I can trust Him to continue to lead me! And now, I better go to bed, or tomorrow (um, actually, today) is going to be horrible!

Who Says There Are Only Drama Queens?

Negative drama came into my life today, but not because of a female. Well, he would say it was because of a female, but he was the one who decided to shift gears based on that female's emotions. A certain nameless female was asked what was wrong, as she was obviously sad, by the nameless male figure and so she told him what was wrong. Nameless male then said, "Fine, you don't have to go." He then told me that she didn't want to go to Camp Grizzly and he just left. Apparently, nameless female did not even know they were leaving. No one told her. So, she then became even more upset. This certain, nameless male does this very same thing to me all the time! He asks how you're feeling and then when you tell him, he changes plans without even asking you if that's what you wanted, and does it in a very dramatic and matter of fact way, that you don't even get the chance to discuss. It's a little like I imagine it would be to live with an alcoholic, where your entire world is controlled by the drama of the moment. He seems to be offended often by the fact that I don't share my emotions with him, but this would be why. He gets all offended, takes it too personal, and decides to change his plans whether you like it or not, based on your feelings. I don't like it, and I tend to often end up feeling guilty for the changed plans, even though I didn't ask for them. He reacted! Seriously, there are a lot of things that I get emotional about! It doesn't mean I want to change our plans. I have no doubt, regardless of where we move to when Josh gets promoted, there will be some sadness involved. Of course, there will be. Our kids have lived here their whole lives. They've developped some close friendships. With all of their faults we love our church and we'll miss them. We've each invested time and attention to people in our lives that we will miss. That doesn't mean we're not excited about a new adventure, or that we would rather stay here than go where God is calling us to next. It just means that change can be painful. Moving on to the next thing means letting go of some other things, and that's never easy. It would be nice to have a safe environment to express those feelings without anyone suddenly, then, changing all the plans and throwing you into a whirlwind where you're not even sure what's up or down! Thcat's even worse! Dealing with your feelings that come about when change is about to happen is hard enough, without someone going all drama king on you! You're just trying to deal with your emotions about the current situation and then, WHOA, WHAT? What is this? Now you're going to mess with things and totally change them into something we weren't even beginning to prepare for?! And just when we were starting to deal with our feelings about the original plans. Change is inevitable. Even us emotional females know that. We just deal with it on a much more emotional level than men do, usually, but we deal with it. When someone decides to throw a wrench in the plans, while we're dealing with it, then we feel completely out of control and we can't deal with, because we don't even know what's going on! Anyone else have someone like this in their world?

End Of Summer Activities

Wow! What a wild and crazy, and FUN week it has been! Yesterday, we only did some grocery shopping and went to Jeni's for prayer meeting. Or at least Angela and I went shopping. Jeremiah and Chloe weren't interested. Then, later Chloe and I went to Jeni's for prayer meeting. Angela was with a friend she hadn't seen all summer, and Jeremiah wanted to stay at home. I forgot to go pick up their lenses at the eye doctor's yesterday, so we're going to have to do that today, then they get to go back to Camp Grizzly with their dad, for the last camp, a Cub Scout weekend camp. I may head out there for part of that myself. If I get done with my devotional book. I"m almost done, so I think that will work out just fine! I probably will miss the first official night (Friday), but will head out Saturday and be there for the weekend! Should be fun, and maybe I'll actually get in the water, since it has been rather warm here in Idaho. It finally started to be summer, not that there are no more Boy Scout camps! Boo!!!! Next, we'll shift our focus to getting ready for school to start, and with one getting ready for junior high. I'm so nervous for him, but I'm sure he'll do fine. I'm thankful for a great youth group at our church. I'm hoping that will help him adjust, having other Christian teens going through similar struggles. Hopefully, they're open about sharing that stuff, so they can support each other. See you all soon!

My "Shack" Has Been Invaded

I would say that it's been invaded by aliens, but that wouldn't be entirely accurate. It's been invaded by the short, goofy people that I gave birth, too, which really, aliens....short, goofy people I gave birth, too....kind of the same thing really:) And, of course, my husband...the love of my life! Well, really, JESUS is the absolute, complete and total love of my life, but Josh is pretty amazing. He came home a very different man than the one that I left at Camp Grizzly...or maybe he's not and I'm just a different woman than the one that left him. I sure hope so! Or best case scenario: it could be both. He may have grown out there with the kids, while I grew here by myself. I sure hope I grew in this last month. It was a total waste if I didn't! I don't think it was wasted though! Have I ever learned something about the INTENSITY of spiritual warfare when you are seriously being attacked by the Enemy over strongholds you've had for years!!!! I let Satan keep a stronghold in my life that I had before I came to know Christ, for all of these years, and I didn't really even fully realize it, or how much he wanted to hurt me with it, until this last week! I really didn't think I'd make it....and without the friends that God has provided in the Body of Christ, I'm positive I wouldn't have, because I would not have recognized it as a battle with the Enemy. It's hard to hang on when the shouting of the Enemy is so loud, you can't discern the Voice of God, for the life of you, without someone urging you back to the truth that you know we have in Him! I'm learning to cry out to JESUS on a whole new level than I ever knew before. I'm a little concerned with my kids here now, that I won't be able to cry like I need to over the pain and fears from my childhood. I am praying that when it is appropriate that God will help me to grieve in the way I need to. I know that He will use this in my kids lives, also, because He's just that Good :) Oh, man, is He ever, and my husband and I are enjoying sweet fellowship with each other, in the way that He designed that to happen. I know we will continue to have our struggles and our hardships, but I am choosing the Rock, for the rest of my life! From now on, when the winds blow and the earth quakes, I will remain steadfast and true to my God! Now, is that easier said than done? OH, Yeah! And, I'm sure, I will stumble from time to time, but I will get back up and keep going, keep fighting.

As far as the counseling situation goes, I have a few options, and I will be praying and seeking to see what the Lord would provide for me in that area. I've been receiving advice from some godly friends and mentors and considering my options and we will talk about that later. But for now, "rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice!" Not going to look up that scripture reference right now, but trust me, it's in there :)

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 21

Wow! Was that really only two days ago!? It feels like forever ago, probably because I've continued to be under intense spiritual warfare, mixed with, what I feel, are personal attacks on me, but I'm sure the people who've done this are well meaning people who just do not understand the sort of, formal, and yet not formal, odd relationship that I have developped with Living Proof Ministries over the years. It's been a hard couple of days. I ended up, in great pain, and feeling deeply misunderstood, and feeling like I'd been alone too long, and needing some support, I facebooked my friend, and counselor in training, Shari. I was very happy to see her, yet, I don't know, maybe she was having a hard day at work, but she didn't seem as warm and tender as usual. She was all business. Which for about a half hour before she came I was battling the fear of having to share some very painful things with her that were hard for me, because I care too much, what she thinks of me(which we talked about) and I was shaking and praying while folding clothes (cause since I was jittery I needed something to do.) If she'd been slightly later, I had so much adrenaline running through my body, I might have had the entire house cleaned within an hour!!!! Even the bathtubs scrubbed! It was kind of interesting! Fear can cause a few good things to happen I guess. But I was waiting and couldn't get into any bible reading or anything, because then I'd be upset when I got interrupted. I NEVER get upset when you interrupt housework!!! Please DO :) I was feeling a lot of pain from my childhood and was going to share some of that with her. I started quoting my current memory verse for SSMT (check Beth Moore's blog if you're curious as to what that is). I was very nervous and wanted to share this with her right away, but as I was taking a breath, trying to get up the nerve, she asked me a question, that was a little less painful for me, but related, so I jumped on it. She wanted to know what happened at Camp Grizzly, so we went into that which eventually did lead into the painful memory, that really now that I think about it, only cropped up, two days ago, so yes, the pain is very fresh. I remembered it before, but I don't think I fully understood it, and God showed me how it had effected me in how I respond to people now, so I knew I needed to deal with the healing process of that loss of relationship with my parents when I was a child, and being afraid of them, because they hurt me most of the time, and did not give me the emotional comfort and love and acceptance that I needed. However, she asked me if I had forgiven my parents, and I said, yes, I'm pretty sure I have. And then, she asked if I had grieved that loss. And I don't think I really had thought of it as grieving what I was doing, and I was nervous, because I had not anticipated this question, and I think I said yes initially because I really would rather she not talk to me about that. Cause again, painful, fear, all of that....but I hadn't grieved that. That's what I'm doing now. I felt like I needed to get over my fear of letting others see my pain in person, up close and personal, and I was trying to overcome that by inviting her in, but because I basically dodged the question, and even lied to her about it, sort of, unconsciously, but I did. Thank you, God. I need to repent of that. So, she moved on to me needing to go an apologize for my wrong to the person at Camp Grizzly, who I ran away from, basically, instead of dealing with, and that was a pride issue partially, because I also didn't want her to see my pain over this issue. I didn't want to cry in front of her, because she used some words that my parents often used against me, and she wasn't necessarily attacking me, personally, but I took it that way (yet another problem I need to deal with, but one at a time...patience, Shellie) and as you can imagine with the pain that I was already dealing with inside myself, that was overwhelming. I knew she was right, but because I really hadn't grieved that memory, I wasn't ready for it. She did not know this so she was rather harsh to my very injured soul, which had I have grieved I needed, but again, that was my fault. I felt sort of shut down at that point and was too scared to confront or even speak to the pain that I was feeling any more. I started to feel tears coming on, but that's when she would interject to tell me what I needed to hear, or she thought based on the misinformation, but all in all, yes, I attacked her in an email at first. I hope she can forgive me that wrong. But then, I sent a second email after visiting with a friend, not about the email, but about what I was struggling with and then I could think more clearly and was able to email her back and tell her in a much more proper way how I felt about the situation. Anyway, it's been another hard day. I've spent a lot of time in the Psalms crying out to the Lord, using words David wrote, which, while he didn't have exactly the same issues as I do, many of those feelings are the same, so while reading them, they began to become my own cries, crying out to Him. And I love doing that with scripture, cause I can guarantee that's within His will and it has truths with the emotions, so that it doesn't just become about the pain, but really learning God's truth at the same time. I think the Psalms are going to be a refuge for me at this time in my life, as I cry out to God using many of David's words, and a few of my own as I add to it, as I kind of put my own emotions and thoughts in there, but covered by God's truth, in a sort of bible study, prayer mix! I love that, because it becomes so personal, and He is a personal God, who loves me, exactly the way I am, and accepts me, and I can just say what I'm thinking and feeling right now, as He's my only companion and ever present help in trouble.

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 14

I was just listening to a lesson online by Beth Moore on her "Inheritance" series and she talks about the prodigal son. She talks about how when someone is truly repentant it's marked by humility. You know, I'm not sure if I've been truly repentant about some things in my life. Sure I've walked away from those sins, but like she suggests, sometimes I fantasize about them in my mind. Particularly where drinking is concerned. I enjoy some of those memories of drinking. Of course, I don't enjoy some of the things that happened while I was drunk. I don't enjoy the memories of the men I gave myself to while I was drunk. Some of them, I never even knew their names! That seriously makes me nauseous! I'm not kidding! There is nothing more awful to me than the thought that I gave a piece of my soul to a stranger! If you don't think that doesn't happen when you sleep with someone, think again! We hear so much these days about how it was "just sex." No such thing! Take it from me, okay! Don't go out there and find out for yourself! There. is. NO! such. thing. as. just. sex! Why do you think that rape is such a horrible thing! They stole a piece of the person's soul that they raped! The STOLE it! They had absolutely no right! You can get that back if seek God for it. I know this for a fact, too. I've received back a lot of lost dignity, from God (Praise You, Jesus!) but it was painful, I promise you that!

Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on that. I know I was repentant of the particular sin that I was involved in when I left Camp Grizzly. That's why I had to leave. I was so SICK over it, I couldn't even stand myself, let alone anyone else! I'm so sick of this issue ruling me, I can hardly stand it! If it raises its ugly head again, I don't know what I'll do, but man, it won't be good! I'm sure it won't. I'm absolutely determined, more than ever, not to let it!!!

But, the drinking thing. Man, I don't know if I'll ever get to where that doesn't appeal to me on so many levels. It's just when I'm so miserable, it just seems like being drunk was so much better. I know it wasn't, that's why I don't do it, but I still dream about it. Oh, man, I hate admitting that to you. Anyone else fantasizing about sin they know they should hate? Or am I completely alone in this?

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 3 (this could end up with dozens of parts)

I just realized that in all my rambling about my "Shack" that I never really explained to you, why, even when isolating is a personal issue of mine, I've decided isolation is exactly what I need for now! So, I will do that now. (Again, my posts are all usually first drafts. I just type and publish. No editting. So don't take everything too seriously. It may just have come out wrong. Ask me in a comment if you're not sure of something. I'll answer in my next post.)

Along with my isolating issue, when I finally realize I need to communicate with others, I tend to then rely on that other person and not on God (I'm thinking this is part of my addictive personality), so since I seem to be missing something in my relationship with Him on this particular issue. I've talked about it with others plenty already, I decided I need to give Him an extended period of time with just me, so I can hear Him clearly. I can't do that with kids in tow. I can't do that in counseling sessions. I can't do that at a regular church service or Celebrate Recovery. I have to do it with just me and Him. I'm confused about why I'm not getting it and I'm thinking this has some very deep roots that are going to take quite a bit of undistracted time! I may still not be completely healed when this is over and the real test will be when I reenter the world, how I react to others and whether or not I am continually uncomfortable around others, thinking that they're thinking horrible things about me. Yes, I do that, too. They don't have to say or write anything to me! I immediately am on guard, because I'm sure they immediately see something wrong with me. I know!!! I'm a nutcase. This is why this has to be dealt with. Being at Camp Grizzly I was tense and scared the whole time, cause I was sure the person waiting for the bathroom or who just came out of the bathroom when I was waiting is thinking something awful about me. Or when they see me brushing my teeth or coming out of the shower area or going into my cabin or out of my cabin. You can see how this could get way too stressful for a person! I was surrounded by people who I was assuming the whole time didn't like me. Even resented me being there, since I'm not staff and I'm obviously not a Boy Scout! And there might be a few who do, but who cares, right!? Well, that's obviously not how I think. I even consciously told myself to "put on the Lord Jesus Christ" like my counselor taught me, so I wasn't worrying about what they thought of me. And when that didn't work, just simply reminding myself that as long as I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, who cares what they think. Again, not working. And then, the note in the bathroom about the "ladies bathroom rules" which used the word "lazy" many times and also "gross." Major trigger words for me if you recall. I immediately felt hurt which quickly turned to anger even though it was written for all the ladies, not just me, but as always I took it very personally. I was already upset before I got to the last "rule." This one went something like this: "Clean up your mess. Do your part. Even if you're not staff you should clean up any mess you make. We don't want to clean up your mess!" I think there was something about not being lazy in that one, too. Again, not a direct quote, but the basic idea. By the way, I added the italics to emphasize the part that you may have realized was the part of that statement that upset me. The only non-staffers using the ladies staff restroom would be me, Angela, and Chloe. I hated the assumption in there that we were leaving messes in the bathroom! We never even left anything in the bathroom. The girls and I have bathroom kits Josh and I made for them last year with all of their toiletries in it and they take it into the bathroom with them and everything goes back in and comes back to the cabing with them when they're done. And no messes. Unless you're a CSI and can lift fingerprints and do DNA testing, you would find no trace of me or my girls in that bathroom, so already assuming that most of the staff, if not all of the staff resented us being there in the first place, you can probably see that my mind would not go good places. I screamed, I cried, and yes, I used a ton of profanity in referring to the person who made these rules! In short, I had a fit, a major tantrum, no 2 year old in the world had anything on me in that moment!!!! I was extremely upset and later embarrassed and then proceeded to turn the anger inward as I realized how stupidly (is that a word?) I had behaved and so then came the imagining myself slitting my wrists and my husband finding my body in the bathroom, and even the drafting of a suicide note. I had spiraled all the way down as always!!!! So here we are and it's now or never!!! I am NOT going down to that pit of despair ever again! I'm there now, but this is it! Never again! If after I've crawled out this time I go there again, you won't hear about it! I'm driving myself straight to Coeur d'Alene (not Lewiston. I hate St. Joe's!) and checking myself into the psych ward, where I will remain for the rest of my life!!! Well, probably not there exactly. They'd most likely eventually transfer me to a mental hospital! And no, I'm not kidding! I'm 100% serious! I will do exactly that as much as it pains me to think about it! I'm not going to put people through the horror of suicide threats anymore!

Chloe At The Park, Me On The Computer, Jeremiah's Crazy!!!

This is Chloe at the park in Potlatch, Idaho. Isn't she beautiful?! I have no idea what this is she's standing in front of? If someone who's maybe spent some more time at the park in Potlatch could tell me what this is, I'd love to know!?

Okay, it's official! My son's a freak!

Umm, there must be a cute girl nearby??!!!
This is me sitting at my our family computer at home, looking like my usual dorky self!

It's kind of late at Camp Grizzly, my toe hurts, and it's been a long day, so I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow. Good night!

Angela's Crazy Pictures And We're At Camp Grizzly, But Not Healthy:(

This is Angela experimenting with taking pictures of herself. What a funny kid! She wants her dad to start a photography Venturing Scout post, so there will be one for her to join when she gets old enough to join Venturing. It's a scouting program for boys and girls through the BSA. They always have a special emphasis. There is a cycling crew as of right now. He's working on a shooting sports crew. I'm sure that will be very popular in this area!

Anyway, as most of you know, we are at Camp Grizzly currently. Me and Chloe have been here for a week tomorrow night. Angela came up early with her dad. A couple of days before us. Jeremiah's team got third in their baseball tournament. They did play on Saturday morning, but they lost to Genesee, so they didn't make the final game. That was between Genesee and the Potlatch Loggers. I have no idea who won. I didn't stay long enough. I hope it was Genesee! The Potlatch dynasty needs to be taken down!!!! I will have some pictures from Camp Grizzly the next time I download more pictures! Right now people are helping in the Trading Post right next to me. I think they just got most of the candy and other snacks, so the whole staff is all excited even though they don't get to eat any of this candy unless they pay for it! We just got through eating all of the outdated candy that they took out of there, which is probably why I gained back all but 4 pounds I had lost! That and the fact that I can't walk like I had hoped to, cause I got an ingrown toenail that has become very badly infected. I had to go to QuickCare yesterday in Moscow, so now I'm on antibiotics. I actually waited a whole 'nother day past when the medic here told me I needed to see a doctor! I'm stubborn like that! Especially since I have no insurance and I know I have to pick up Jeremiah when he returns from Camp Easton and I have to take the kids next week to get their new lenses put in their glasses, since those are in. I was waiting until Jeremiah came back to do that, so I could do all three at once. Plus I had a list of things to get when I returned. Some I forgot, others we ran out of, like cold medicine, since I have three coughing children. Now much of the staff has sore throats! Of all the things I would like to share with the staff....that was not one of them!!! Oh, well, the joy of living with lots of other people in a sort of community. Everyone who's ever worked here calls it the "Grizzly family" because you do sort of become a family and all you have to do is work here one year and you never get out of the Grizzly family. It's permanent just like a blood family. You come back and they all embrace you! It's like the family of God, but not quite! It is good, though...most of the time!! Just like with a real family. Anyway, Josh took me in, because he had to discuss with them the fact that I needed taking care of right now, but we can't pay right now. They weren't real nice about that, but we got it taken care of, and we got my antibiotics and made an appointment for July 5 in Troy with my regular doctor to get the ingrown toenail removed. First we have to get rid of the infection for them to be able to do that! I don't think it's really hit the girls that my time in the water has been put off much longer now. The camp medic told me to stay out of the water. No swimming, but now that it's official that it's infected, I can't swim until at least the infection's gone. I don't know how long I have to keep it dry and clean after she cuts it out. Anyway, my girls are getting better, even though Angela's coughing half to death next to me. Or she was. Now, she's in the Trading Post. I did tell you that my posts would be very rough during Camp Grizzly, right?! Talk later. It's almost time for lunch!

Just Thought I'd Check In

I seem to be doing this middle of the night posting thing way too much these days. After the kids school play, Jeremiah's sixth grade graduation, and the end of baseball season...oh, yeah, and shopping for summer supplies that need replacing and moving out to Camp Grizzly again (Phew!!) maybe life will slow down again for a while!

Chief Kamiakin District Is A Quality District

This plaque represents all of the hard work Josh did in the first year and a half with the Boy Scouts of America in the Chief Kamiakin District. We sacrificed him a lot, especially towards the end of 2010 for him to accomplish this. And of course, he sacrificed as well. You can't even imagine the hours he put in for this to happen! I really appreciate the work that he does. I find that a lot of people do not understand his job and don't think it is healthy for a family. But I disagree. We just have to operate different hours than others. Most people assume that because he's not home for dinner most of the time that he's never home. That is not true. He often gets to take an hour or two off in the middle of the afternoon. Instead of dinner dates, we have lunch dates. Instead of being at the kids evening events where everyone else is, he can sometimes be found at the park with the kids right after school, helping Jeremiah with his baseball skills and playing witht the girls. He'll take them out for ice cream or whatever, in the middle of the afternoon. And, of course, occasionally, he is able to take an evening or weekend off and spend with us. He's pretty happy to realize that he is completely open this weekend for the start of Jeremiah's baseball season! Of course, we do have challenges, where the kids have to sacrifice as well. For instance, my girls would love to play softball this year, but they're season starts later than Jeremiah's and doesn't end until the end of July. We, unfortunately (or fortunately, however you choose to see it) have to go to Camp Grizzly in mid-June and will not be back until mid-August. Gas prices are just too high for me to be running them back and forth on an almost daily basis. Even once a week isn't possible. We survive the summer, because the camp feeds us, because we have to drop the second job for the summer, that provides our grocery budget. It's a sacrifice and many don't understand, but anyone could have a normal husband with a normal job, but I'm light years away from normal!!!!

Last Of The Pics

Me getting my nagging pins for Jeremiah making his Second Class rank! I hope I don't have to explain why I call them nagging pins! I'm sure most mom's totally get it!

Chloe after swimming at Camp Grizzly!

A silhouette of Angela after swimming at Camp Grizzly!

Another pic of Angela after swimming. These are the last of the pics I have on the computer currently! Who knows how long it will take for my newer pictures to make there way from my camera to the computer. As simple as it is, my husband only spends his time at home playing video games, watching movies, and yelling at kids.

More Pics From Camp Grizzly

Charming Angela after a swim at Camp Grizzly!

Probably relaxing in the staff lounge!

I have no idea what Chloe was doing here! Maybe painting? I don't really remember painting while we were staying there. I know there was some painting that was done in the fall that she helped with.

Josh checking in the Troops!

More of Angela!

Chloe doing her schoolwork in the cabin. Yes, she does schoolwork in the summer! She went to summer school the year before, but with us being at Camp Grizzly it wasn't possible, so I had to be a homeschool mom for the summer with one kid at least. Besides she loves school! It's necessary to keep her from falling further behind.

Our cabin! Yes, all five of us lived in there for 2 months and survived!

It's very difficult to get him to keep his tongue in his mouth when we take his picture!

This is the view when you walk into the staff area!

Yes! There was work to be done when we arrived at Camp Grizzly!

They really do love each other! They often try to pretend they don't, but nobody's fooled! Except my side of the family. Of course, they really are mean to each other at my parents house, but then they're just following everyone else's lead! Ugh! I'm hoping this last visit for Christmas will be our last visit EVER to see my family!

You've probably seen this picture if you've visited Angela's blog. It's her favorite! She's daddy's little girl for sure! This is in the kitchen at Camp Grizzly, in case you couldn't tell!

Fun At Camp Grizzly!

This is Jeremiah fishing at Camp Grizzly last summer!

This is the picture I've been trying to put on my twitter profile, but it keeps telling me twitter is over capacity! Ugh! That's the lodge at Camp Grizzly behind us and that's my trusty green canteen in front of me! Love that thing! It was perfect for camp and when I got it as a gift at a party I had no idea where I'd be spending my summer!

Again, I have no idea how to turn these one's right side up, but that's my gorgeous Boy Scout husband hard at work at Camp Grizzly!

This is me in front of our little cabin, doing one of my favorite activities! I could cause I didn't have to clean house or make meals or anything! Well, except for make sure my kids got bathed and dressed and all that jazz! But that's easy compared to what I have to do at home!