Ya'll I have a headache and so much to catch you up on! I seriously do not have enough time for this blogging thing, but I love it! The reason I get on here so little these days, I guess, is because I have a life! Ha!! So good to have a life, but I have this thing in me that wants to tell the world all about it, and that takes time, too! Wow! Life doesn't make sense when you think about it, does it! I mean, we'd love to just write all the time, but if we did that we'd have nothing to write about, and if we have a life, we have little time to write. I have to say, I like being busy. I wish more of my time was spent writing, but that is not where God has me now. We'll have to see what the future has in store. The reason I don't do a lot of editting before I publish these, sometimes not at all, is because nothing would ever actually get on here, if I did! Do ya'll recall the devotional book I was writing last November, almost a whole year ago? I'm still studying 1Corinthians chapter 1 for the rewrite of that! Yep! Not a lot of studying time! Most of that was taken up by my little journey within my journey from this summer, and then the journey that has resulted from that journey, which is why I'm doing Breaking Free again. On my own, super slow, and going back and forth a little as God leads. I have read some chapters of the book several times, and I am considering getting out my workbook and doing some of that as well.
I have been going to church and last week as you know, was great. This week not so much. There's a young lady that has said some very hurtful things to people I love very much, at my church, and I know that somehow I have to forgive her, even though, she, in all her self-righteousness, thinks she is in the right. She is judging people based on half-truths and rumors and she has a lot of power in a particular ministry here in town. She's in charge of this particular ministry and decides who should be helped and how. I know her job is tough, and in a way she has to be judgmental, but it still bugs me. She's in a position to really either bless lives or ruin them, and I hate to see her ruining them. The crazy thing is she's a former addict, so I'd really love to remind her of who she once was, and would she really want to encounter herself now as that broken, hurting, desperate woman? Of course, she'd never listen to me, because I'm one of the people she looks down on, and always has, though she won't admit it. I had a bad feeling about her from the moment I met her, but gave her the benefit of the doubt, and tried very hard to see the good in her, and there was a lot to be seen, as she was extremely grateful for all that God has done for her, and I'm sure still is, but she's sure not showing a lot of grace or mercy to others. Particularly if they're people she just doesn't naturally like. However, the question is, how to forgive, while still protecting myself, and remaining on the side of those she's hurt. And not just her. Others have hurt people, too, amongst the counseling group she's a part of, but she's in a position of power that scares me a little. But I do know that God is bigger than all that. It just frustrates me, because I know of one person who could use some help and at times this other person is in a position to help where I can't, and she won't. So, in other words, I want to help and can't, while I see someone who could only hurting. All I can do is listen and tell her how sorry I am and that I know this isn't right. This isn't God's way of doing things. It is hard to deal with this group of counselors at my church and still have fellowship with them while disagreeing. My friend, Jeni, and I seem to handle it well, but that's because she knows me. That's because she ever bothered to get to know me. Now, I know I promised some teaching type of things, but I kind of went off on something else, so that will have to wait.
Oh, yes, one of the pastor's said this morning that he sometimes doesn't feel like going to church, but once he comes he's glad he did, and he remembers that for next time and so even though, he once had to go on faith to believe that God wanted him to go to church, then he went and experienced the blessings of that, and then he also had evidence of what can happen when you obey God. That is nice. Some of us have to go on faith with no evidence for weeks on end. I didn't feel like going back to church after we all returned from Camp Grizzly, but went anyway, and then it was miserable and very discouraging, and it made it harder to want to go. I didn't want to go and be further discouraged, and it's taken me a long time to go back again. I'm hoping I can find a good balance in standing by my convictions and continuing to heal while also being able to fellowship with people who disagree with me in where I am at and where people I love are at.