Wednesday, October 12, 2011

One Of My Worst Days And It's Only Going To Cause More "Worst Days"

Okay, so yesterday was a horrible day. I was sad to see that Mercy Ministries has changed it's name to Resource Ministries. (I mean does that sound cold, calculating, and uncaring to anyone besides me?) And from the things they talked about in why the name change it seems that, much like my church, they are steering much more towards legalism. Also, the Resource Ministries (I hate that name!) is strongly tied to the counseling group that has been severely damaging to me in my situation, which makes me feel that this ministry is much less available to me as a human being with struggles. Also, I discovered that someone else on Twitter, who I interacted with quite a bit, actually, had blocked me. I knew why and consider it to be mostly a difference of opinion. I believe that Christians who are not really being very gracious or compassionate people need to be talked about more. Not by name, just in general. I think it's important that Christians understand that just because a Christian leader tells them something is how it is with you, doesn't make it true. Only God really knows that and constantly judging people without hearing them out is totally wrong and is what my pastor and several others have done with me here in Moscow. They just assume I'm just like everyone else they've dealt with who struggles with depression or sin issues in their lives. Even when they do let me talk, they prove by what they say later, that they didn't even hear what I said. They never bothered listening.

Then, later on in the day, after taking Angela around thrift shopping for her costume pieces for Halloween, I had to go get Jeremiah from football practice. Often his friend and neighbor, Christian, rides with me as well. Otherwise he usually has to walk home. Or chooses to, I'm not sure which. Always when I pick them up, the first words out of his mouth are "I'm hungry. Can we go to McDonald's?" And my answer is always, "No, my husband would kill me if I spent the money, and for good reason. I really can't afford it. You can eat when you get home." (For crying out loud it's not like it takes forever. We live in a town that is all of 11 square miles! It takes less than 5 minutes to get anywhere in town!) I asked, of course, if he's always hungry, which is like, well, duh, he's a 7th grade boy, of course, he's always hungry. The kids proceeded to be irritated and noisy, and Angela was even hitting her brother with a shopping bag from the backseat (he was in the front seat). I told them to settle down. They were going to cause me to get in an accident. Low a behold a few minutes later that is exactly what happened. Not that it's entirely their fault. I should have been paying more attention at the intersection. I went to make a right turn and cross into the far lane, since it was close to where I needed to make a left to get home. Another car was coming from across the road on the other side of the intersection and was already in the far lane, and I sideswiped her! Oh, boy. We both pulled into Walgreen's and got out of our cars to ask each other what we were supposed to do, as neither of us, as it turned out, had ever been in an accident before! I'm usually ultra cautious at that intersection, and am still kicking myself over this! We of course, called the cops, and did everything we were supposed to do. (The police officer helped with this, of course, and explained everything to us, and what we need to do in following up.) And of course, I was issued a citation for an improper turn. Ugh! Stupid me! So there goes 85 dollars, not to mention that, since it was my fault, our insurance will most certainly go up! Talk about a BAD day! I did go home and change out of my sweats into jeans and make it to Jeremiah's Court of Honor, albeit in a t-shirt, which I normally would never do, but oh, well. At least I wasn't wearing sweats :) He received his First Class rank, as well as a whole bunch of merit badges. I'm not sure how many. He did have six weeks of Scout camp, unlike most boys, who only get 1 week! And since I did that I still haven't called Christian's mom to get some information from her that the officer needs for his report since Christian was also in the accident. Ugh! I am so embarrassed. Angela's thrilled, because I'll be in the paper, and that qualifies for her to do her "newspaper" report next week on me, and she can add extra details that won't be in the paper, since she was there. Thrilled for you, Angela, really. (Do you sense the sarcasm.)

Of course, the money situation was already tight and now it's almost impossibly tight, and it was suggested by a friend that maybe I should get a job. Little does she know, that is one of my "issues" and at the thought, I immediately started sweating, heart started know, all truly wonderful symptoms of an anxiety attack. I know it's ridiculous, and this whole situation is extremely distressing to me, and I have no doubt what my pastor would say about it. Ugh! Let's not go there!

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