Friday, January 11, 2013

Me & God: Getting Real!

My posts will be very short. More like facebook posts than blog posts for a while, because I have to type them on an iPad, which is a pain. Our computers both croaked shortly after moving here. Finally tired of Windows problems Josh is finally going to buy us a Macintosh! Also, after noticing that our iPhones & iPad have survived lots of problems without any costly fixes thru many costly fixes on our Windows based computers! So come March when we get our taxes back, Apple.....we're all yours!!!!!!No more Windows in this house! We're sold!!!!!

You'll also notice a lot more txt-like typing bc of the pain of not having a real keyboard, so those of you who enjoyed my "nearly perfect grammar & spelling", sorry! You'll have to bear with me for a couple of months!

Some of you may know I was supposed to go to inpatient treatment this month for alcoholism as I have been unable to stay sober for more than 82 days since moving to Spokane, which I believe to have more to do with the progression of this disease than the move. I had been drinking in Moscow almost every day for a year & had even managed to lie to myself about it! Cause cough syrup isn't really alcohol, right?! Yeah, right! 10% alcohol content, actually! Way more than even beer!!! I had not fully accepted that I was an alcoholic at the time I got a bad cold & took Cough syrup for several days. It triggered the allergy & obsession that alcoholics have & I couldn't stop & eventually needed more & more. Could not understand why I suddenly wanted so badly to drink. It wasn't until faced with the hopelessness of having to wait even longer to get help for my depression & abuse issues that I gave into the desire & drank "real" alcohol & that's when I discovered I'd been drinking all along! I knew then I had this disease, not just a tendency to like to drink to drunkenness occasionally, when others were doing it. I've been turned down by the state for alcohol treatment for 2 reasons, either of which would disqualify me by themselves. 1) I have kids at home, 2) We have income. Didn't matter how much that income was. The state won't pay for you to get help if there's any money at all coming into the home. & yes, you did hear that correctly, they wouldn't have helped if we were both unemployed, because we have kids at home. I know! You'd think they'd want to help even more with kids in the home. It's alright. I'm sure God has a plan, even if it is to get me to talk to Him more & to get away from Christian fundamentalism which was only destroying any hope for me to have an honest & true relationship with God!

Okay, so this didn't end up being that short, but this is a pain, so I probably won't do this much!:)

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