More Of The Last Week In Moscow

Well, Chloe is sick :( She's been coughing a lot ever since we did some major cleaning and packing this last weekend, stirring up some major dust! Which she and I are allergic to. It really didn't bother me as I took on the task of scrubbing out the water stains in the bathtub, which took HOURS, even with the miracle that is Bar Keeper's Friend. No, it isn't an alcoholic, that would be me! I would imagine it's a cleaner that a Bar Keeper came up with to get rid of tough stains in his bar. Well, it works great on bathtubs, too! I plan on keeping this stuff on hand all the time from now on as I imagine most places we live will have hard water. I've never bothered before. I just figured that when you live in Moscow, it's just something you have to put up with. That was before someone who cleans houses for a living looked at my house and told me this stuff would take it off. I'm not going to bother with the sink or toilet. The bathtub was the worst and took way too long. Just let me tell you, if you think you want a giant Jacuzzi bathtub, just imagine cleaning it!!! I'm thinking it's not worth it at this point, but then, since we never got the jets working, I never really got to enjoy it, so I might have thought it worth it if I'd gotten to bathe in it WITH the jets going! That never happened though. I'm looking forward to the hot tub in the hotel next Sunday night before we take off for Spokane. Yes, we're going to stay at the local Best Western after we pack up the house and leave on Monday morning after taking care of a few last minute things we forgot about doing (like getting our mail forwarded! Oops!). I'm sure there's probably many things that we forgot about doing in all the craziness. It's not like we've ever done this before. We've lived in Moscow all of our married life, so all of that stuff was still pretty easy to take care of after we moved being in the same time. This is all new and totally crazy!

Anyway, I did mention that I think Jeremiah is obsessed with Wrestling right? Well, I'm listening to him Wrestling Chloe right now and teaching her to Wrestle! Yes, I think obsession might be an understatement! Wrestling season is OVER bud! Get over it! Nope. Don't think it's going to happen. He's already asked if we can put a Wrestling mat in the basement at the new house. Yep, he's hooked :)

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 4

If you've been wondering if it's occurred to me that there might be some risk involved in this commitment of mine, it has. I've realized several things.





1. I could get so comfortable here that I become an agoraphobic.





Yes, it could happen, but I seriously doubt it. I'm such an extreme extrovert that to me the fact that I haven't driven myself crazy yet is proof of God's approval of this plan! I usually get pretty lonely by the second day of no direct human contact. I'm not lonely! I'm loving every minute I have with my Jesus. In fact, a really cool thing happened the other day. I was getting ready to soak my toe and thinking about how God had not told me anything real clearly just yet, and I had this thought-prayer, "God, I think maybe you're holding off, because you're just really enjoying having me all to Yourself." After I thought that it occurred to me that this was the first time EVER in my entire life, that I had seriously thought that God might actually enjoy me! ME! Shellie Paparazzo, former drug addict, alcoholic, barely knows what a boundary is let alone does she ever keep one, fit-throwing, all too often fakey, oversensitive, used to sleep around a lot (half the guys I've slept with I didn't even know their names) ME! God might actually enjoy that person! Really?! Yes, really! Crazy as it may sound I believe it! I'm truly beginning to believe it to the core of my being! I KNOW that I know that He loves me and has completely forgiven me, at least most of the time, I think. It's funny how some of the smaller, more recent things are harder for me to let go of then the really "big" sins of my past. I guess mostly because right now they're so close to my heart and mind. I also have realized that I am struggling with guilt over things that are probably not even things I should be feeling guilty about. I guess that's what they call false guilt. I feel guilty whenever I spend my husband's hard earned money. Even when it's for things I need, just because it's for me! I've even felt guilty for buying groceries, as if I don't even deserve to eat! I've felt guilty for getting an ingrown toenail and needing to go to the doctor. I've felt guilty for buying summer clothes and for buying things for the kids to do this summer. I even felt guilty for buying the devotional book that is helping me so much right now! I feel guilty for not working outside the home. I feel guilty for sending my kids to public school, even though I know that for us it was the best choice. It was the best choice because I can't handle having the kids home all the time! How awful is that!!! I feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. I feel guilty for needing counseling. I feel guilty for having to take antidepressants and allergy medicine. You get the idea. I feel guilty for anything and everything that might take away from what someone else might have been able to have.

2. My neighbors could decide I'm so crazy that they never allow their children anywhere near me or my home again! Can you imagine how awful that would be for my poor kids?!

3. I could get sick or hurt and not be able to call for help and no one would have a clue for days! Pretty slim chance, but it could happen. Please don't bug me constantly just because it might happen!

All in all, I think the possible benefits are worth the risk! I'm having a great time with Jesus!

Chloe's dress

Well, here's one picture of her in her dress! She was very excited and it was making it very difficult to get good pictures of her. Sorry, I've been away for a while! I got a really awful cold this week, and even had to cancel my counseling appointment! My sinuses are still driving me nuts!