Crying Out To Jesus (and other things)

Okay, I'm sitting on my bed, or I was sitting on my airbed (yes, still sleeping on an air mattress. Will be for a while.) with my heel over the hole the cat put in it to keep it from leaking air quite as quickly, until my leg got to tired from being in that position as I read others blogs, so now I have my knee over the hole which probably isn't as effective. Josh is getting a repair kit later today to fix it. The cats not allowed in our room anymore. We're pretty sure she did it with her claws. Ugh!

Anyway, I've been busy. Not busy packing, which I should be. Not busy cleaning, which I also should be. Busy doing laundry? Well, yes, of course, I'm always busy doing that! It's the never ending, all consuming chore!!! At least I don't have to use a broom to do the job, right Angela? :) Sorry, most of you will have no clue what I was just talking about, but I'm sure it will at least get a smile from my friend, Angela Gifford. And by the way, if you're wondering, yes, I did name my daughter after her. The one who's walking a very thin line right now. But you're all probably wondering what I'm so busy doing, since I'm not busy doing the things I should be doing right now. Well, if you read my last blog post, which was in the middle of what I was busy doing, you'll be glad to know, I've been busy reading scripture, crying out to God to just plain "help me!" (ever done that?) and to please change my desires, because as you know, I was desiring alcohol, which is an incredibly self-destructive desire of mine along with many other unhealthy desires I have, but I'm not as concerned about those right now. Which, actually, I must admit I felt much better and MUCH less concerned about getting drunk after I ate a Cappucino frozen yogurt with tons of different types of chocolate toppings that my man brought home from Jamms last night. Awesome place! If you have one near you, go!!! I love it! It's a little expensive, but it's a great treat once in a while! It just opened up here last summer and I'm in love. I only wish I could also visit the spa next door, which my daughter, Angela, did last weekend with her friend, Lucy, who goes to the spa all the time. She decided to treat Angela last week to celebrate her birthday a little late. Lucy and I share the same birthday, so I always remember her birthday. I'm still not speaking to Angela about such matters, because I have never in my entire life had a pedicure and the only time I had a manicure it was at a beauty school, so it wasn't really professional. Her hands and feet looked amazing and she kept telling me about the cool things they did to her feet that felt soooo good and I glared at her :) Anyway, thank you, Josh! You are my hero!!! How about a pedicure next time :) I'm just kidding. I know we can't afford that. I have no idea how you pulled off the fro-yo, except that you sacrificed for me, cause that's just how awesome you are! So, that's me right now. And, honestly, feeling a lot less of a desire to drink. I think about a whole lot more than just that now. Thank you, Jesus! I'm sure there will be a lot more temptations to come and a whole lot more pain as I work through things from my past. The hurt and the anger is surfacing so much, and you can ask my family, I'm extremely crabby, so pray for them, too, if you think about it.

Internet Troubles And Me "Working"

Warning: This post may or may not discuss female hormones and the physical manifestations (periods) that are produced by said hormones. So, guys, and gals who are uncomfortable with this particular subject for whatever reason, may want to refrain from reading this post. Consider yourself warned.





Well, we seem to have survived the 3 days that we had no internet at all. Yes, since I posted last we have pretty much not had internet at all. It went out Sunday morning again, and I did not catch it on again until this morning, when, of course, we had scheduled for a tech guy from Time-Warner to come out and look at it, and, hopefully, fix it for us. I was afraid this might result in him not understanding what the problem was, but it was clear that our signal, which should have been full-strength, is very weak. He looked to see why, and figured out that the lines that are underground are pretty much done for. So, it's going to take some doing to fix it. He did remove a spacer, I think it said it was, that didn't need to be there, giving us a stronger signal for now. It's still not as strong as it should be, so they will be looking at getting a work order to come out and dig and replace that underground line. He said to call if it continues cutting out on us, cause they could put in a temporary above ground line if necessary. They like to avoid doing that, however, since it does produce a problem for things like lawn mowing and sometimes people trip over them and things like that, so hopefully, it will work okay until they can fix it more permanently.

Anyway, I will be going to Women Of Faith Over The Top, this weekend in Spokane, Washington. I'm pretty excited about it. Some really wonderful people that I know from my church are going with us. We will meet to carpool at 7 am in the Rosauer's parking lot. I haven't gotten a ride yet, so hopefully, at that point they will throw me in with somebody. I'm sure they won't leave me to fend for myself! I also do not know who I'm staying with or anything as far as hotel accomodations. I will find that out as well. I also don't know which hotel, of the two hotels, they made reservations at, that I will be staying in. I do not have to pay for my ticket or hotel. I was asked to do 4 hours of work at the Hope Center, which I know I blogged about in the past, to "pay" for my trip to Spokane. I know it's still a steal since I know I would not get paid what the ticket and accomodations cost for the work that I did, so I'm so grateful.

I'm actually really grateful for the work that I was able to do at the Hope Center as well, though. For one thing it distracted me from what I couldn't do on here this week. It also showed me that there are things I am capable of doing. I'm not totally helpless, and that people will appreciate the work I do and not consider me too slow, or just in the way, like I was always treated growing up. I fear making even the smallest of mistakes as a result of the often violent ways that my family responded when I would even make a simple mistake. I experienced the same at the one job I had in college that wasn't working for my parents. I don't like working around people for this reason. I have found myself being uncomfortable at times when I thought I didn't really like the way I was having to do something, but not seeing a better option at the time. I was worried that the workers there would have a problem with the way I organized things on the shelves or whatever. I'm sure they'll never complain, cause I'm sort of volunteer labor. Well, this time I was part of the Goods for Services program they have. Yes, they allowed women who couldn't afford to go, but wanted to go to Women Of Faith, to work 4 hours at the Hope Center as part of that program. It's one of the many ways the Hope Center serves our community. It's also a thrift store. It's really, truly, a wonderful place. I've bought many things there for my family. In fact, there are probably just as many things from there in my house as there are from Wal-Mart or any place like that at this point. Love that place, and love that my money goes to help others in need when I shop there! Sometimes, obviously, that person in need is me, although, I wouldn't really consider a desire to go to Women Of Faith a need really, but I was happy when they offered me this opportunity. It also ensured that I wouldn't feel quite so guilty about letting them pay my way while I save up for the SSMT celebration in January. I really don't have the money anyway, even if I wasn't going for that. This would be why I still have not made hotel reservations or bought plane tickets yet! But it will happen! We're doing our best to make sure it does! Well, my best I suppose might be getting a job, although, I'm not quite emotionally ready for that, yet. Like I said, the few hours I put in this week at the Hope Center produced some anxiety, even when I was working with people I know love me, and not for very long periods of time. These people are my friends, and are happy to have any help. I may continue helping there on a volunteer basis next week. I still have not had time to look for counseling. Now, since getting ready for Women of Faith, became a priority, I'll have to do that next week. It just keeps getting pushed back, but that's okay. It will be fine.

Now, my only concern with Women of Faith, and why I hadn't made that a priority to save up for or anything before, is because I went once before. It wasn't a positive experience :( I went with some people I didn't really know and I don't sleep well, so first off, I had one lady get mad at me for being up and down all night on Friday night (it is a Friday-Saturday event). She was really annoyed and talked to me very rudely. Actually, she didn't even talk directly to me. She just made rude, sarcastic remarks very loudly when I was nearby. Also, unlike the Living Proof Live conferences I enjoy so much, there are several speakers and musicians and they all have very different styles. Some are funny, some are more serious, so you find yourself laughing one minute and crying the next. I'm already quite emotional, so that was very hard for me to deal with. Of course, that was early in my recovery, when I was still pretty uncomfortable with feeling anything at all!! I think I had emotion overload, because I crashed and I crashed hard, upon returning home. I decided to risk it this time, because this opportunity was offered directly to me on facebook. I was thrilled that someone would care enough to single me out as someone who could benefit from this offer! So, how could I turn it down?! I didn't....obviously. But, given the emotional issues, you can imagine how thrilled I was when I started my period this afternoon. (Now, I'M about to get sarcastic!) Gee, thanks God. Let's add some hormones to this mix and see if we can get some drama out of her!!! How do ya like that!?! Man, oh, man. Oh, well. I'm sure it will be fine. At least this time I'm aware of how emotional it will be and how long! It's all day Friday and all day Saturday, so a lot longer than LPL! So, I'm sure we will manage and be prayed up. I hope many of you will pray for me as well. I have many other things to tell you, but alas, it will have to wait!

End Of Summer Activities

Wow! What a wild and crazy, and FUN week it has been! Yesterday, we only did some grocery shopping and went to Jeni's for prayer meeting. Or at least Angela and I went shopping. Jeremiah and Chloe weren't interested. Then, later Chloe and I went to Jeni's for prayer meeting. Angela was with a friend she hadn't seen all summer, and Jeremiah wanted to stay at home. I forgot to go pick up their lenses at the eye doctor's yesterday, so we're going to have to do that today, then they get to go back to Camp Grizzly with their dad, for the last camp, a Cub Scout weekend camp. I may head out there for part of that myself. If I get done with my devotional book. I"m almost done, so I think that will work out just fine! I probably will miss the first official night (Friday), but will head out Saturday and be there for the weekend! Should be fun, and maybe I'll actually get in the water, since it has been rather warm here in Idaho. It finally started to be summer, not that there are no more Boy Scout camps! Boo!!!! Next, we'll shift our focus to getting ready for school to start, and with one getting ready for junior high. I'm so nervous for him, but I'm sure he'll do fine. I'm thankful for a great youth group at our church. I'm hoping that will help him adjust, having other Christian teens going through similar struggles. Hopefully, they're open about sharing that stuff, so they can support each other. See you all soon!

My "Shack" Has Been Invaded

I would say that it's been invaded by aliens, but that wouldn't be entirely accurate. It's been invaded by the short, goofy people that I gave birth, too, which really, aliens....short, goofy people I gave birth, too....kind of the same thing really:) And, of course, my husband...the love of my life! Well, really, JESUS is the absolute, complete and total love of my life, but Josh is pretty amazing. He came home a very different man than the one that I left at Camp Grizzly...or maybe he's not and I'm just a different woman than the one that left him. I sure hope so! Or best case scenario: it could be both. He may have grown out there with the kids, while I grew here by myself. I sure hope I grew in this last month. It was a total waste if I didn't! I don't think it was wasted though! Have I ever learned something about the INTENSITY of spiritual warfare when you are seriously being attacked by the Enemy over strongholds you've had for years!!!! I let Satan keep a stronghold in my life that I had before I came to know Christ, for all of these years, and I didn't really even fully realize it, or how much he wanted to hurt me with it, until this last week! I really didn't think I'd make it....and without the friends that God has provided in the Body of Christ, I'm positive I wouldn't have, because I would not have recognized it as a battle with the Enemy. It's hard to hang on when the shouting of the Enemy is so loud, you can't discern the Voice of God, for the life of you, without someone urging you back to the truth that you know we have in Him! I'm learning to cry out to JESUS on a whole new level than I ever knew before. I'm a little concerned with my kids here now, that I won't be able to cry like I need to over the pain and fears from my childhood. I am praying that when it is appropriate that God will help me to grieve in the way I need to. I know that He will use this in my kids lives, also, because He's just that Good :) Oh, man, is He ever, and my husband and I are enjoying sweet fellowship with each other, in the way that He designed that to happen. I know we will continue to have our struggles and our hardships, but I am choosing the Rock, for the rest of my life! From now on, when the winds blow and the earth quakes, I will remain steadfast and true to my God! Now, is that easier said than done? OH, Yeah! And, I'm sure, I will stumble from time to time, but I will get back up and keep going, keep fighting.

As far as the counseling situation goes, I have a few options, and I will be praying and seeking to see what the Lord would provide for me in that area. I've been receiving advice from some godly friends and mentors and considering my options and we will talk about that later. But for now, "rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice!" Not going to look up that scripture reference right now, but trust me, it's in there :)

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 21

Wow! Was that really only two days ago!? It feels like forever ago, probably because I've continued to be under intense spiritual warfare, mixed with, what I feel, are personal attacks on me, but I'm sure the people who've done this are well meaning people who just do not understand the sort of, formal, and yet not formal, odd relationship that I have developped with Living Proof Ministries over the years. It's been a hard couple of days. I ended up, in great pain, and feeling deeply misunderstood, and feeling like I'd been alone too long, and needing some support, I facebooked my friend, and counselor in training, Shari. I was very happy to see her, yet, I don't know, maybe she was having a hard day at work, but she didn't seem as warm and tender as usual. She was all business. Which for about a half hour before she came I was battling the fear of having to share some very painful things with her that were hard for me, because I care too much, what she thinks of me(which we talked about) and I was shaking and praying while folding clothes (cause since I was jittery I needed something to do.) If she'd been slightly later, I had so much adrenaline running through my body, I might have had the entire house cleaned within an hour!!!! Even the bathtubs scrubbed! It was kind of interesting! Fear can cause a few good things to happen I guess. But I was waiting and couldn't get into any bible reading or anything, because then I'd be upset when I got interrupted. I NEVER get upset when you interrupt housework!!! Please DO :) I was feeling a lot of pain from my childhood and was going to share some of that with her. I started quoting my current memory verse for SSMT (check Beth Moore's blog if you're curious as to what that is). I was very nervous and wanted to share this with her right away, but as I was taking a breath, trying to get up the nerve, she asked me a question, that was a little less painful for me, but related, so I jumped on it. She wanted to know what happened at Camp Grizzly, so we went into that which eventually did lead into the painful memory, that really now that I think about it, only cropped up, two days ago, so yes, the pain is very fresh. I remembered it before, but I don't think I fully understood it, and God showed me how it had effected me in how I respond to people now, so I knew I needed to deal with the healing process of that loss of relationship with my parents when I was a child, and being afraid of them, because they hurt me most of the time, and did not give me the emotional comfort and love and acceptance that I needed. However, she asked me if I had forgiven my parents, and I said, yes, I'm pretty sure I have. And then, she asked if I had grieved that loss. And I don't think I really had thought of it as grieving what I was doing, and I was nervous, because I had not anticipated this question, and I think I said yes initially because I really would rather she not talk to me about that. Cause again, painful, fear, all of that....but I hadn't grieved that. That's what I'm doing now. I felt like I needed to get over my fear of letting others see my pain in person, up close and personal, and I was trying to overcome that by inviting her in, but because I basically dodged the question, and even lied to her about it, sort of, unconsciously, but I did. Thank you, God. I need to repent of that. So, she moved on to me needing to go an apologize for my wrong to the person at Camp Grizzly, who I ran away from, basically, instead of dealing with, and that was a pride issue partially, because I also didn't want her to see my pain over this issue. I didn't want to cry in front of her, because she used some words that my parents often used against me, and she wasn't necessarily attacking me, personally, but I took it that way (yet another problem I need to deal with, but one at a time...patience, Shellie) and as you can imagine with the pain that I was already dealing with inside myself, that was overwhelming. I knew she was right, but because I really hadn't grieved that memory, I wasn't ready for it. She did not know this so she was rather harsh to my very injured soul, which had I have grieved I needed, but again, that was my fault. I felt sort of shut down at that point and was too scared to confront or even speak to the pain that I was feeling any more. I started to feel tears coming on, but that's when she would interject to tell me what I needed to hear, or she thought based on the misinformation, but all in all, yes, I attacked her in an email at first. I hope she can forgive me that wrong. But then, I sent a second email after visiting with a friend, not about the email, but about what I was struggling with and then I could think more clearly and was able to email her back and tell her in a much more proper way how I felt about the situation. Anyway, it's been another hard day. I've spent a lot of time in the Psalms crying out to the Lord, using words David wrote, which, while he didn't have exactly the same issues as I do, many of those feelings are the same, so while reading them, they began to become my own cries, crying out to Him. And I love doing that with scripture, cause I can guarantee that's within His will and it has truths with the emotions, so that it doesn't just become about the pain, but really learning God's truth at the same time. I think the Psalms are going to be a refuge for me at this time in my life, as I cry out to God using many of David's words, and a few of my own as I add to it, as I kind of put my own emotions and thoughts in there, but covered by God's truth, in a sort of bible study, prayer mix! I love that, because it becomes so personal, and He is a personal God, who loves me, exactly the way I am, and accepts me, and I can just say what I'm thinking and feeling right now, as He's my only companion and ever present help in trouble.

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 19

Well, it's not quite as late as when I got on here last night. I was feeling some pain that I didn't understand today. I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me, and then I remembered praying that I would be more sensitive to others needs. I've prayed this several times in my life, but I'm wondering if maybe the healing I've been doing has allowed me to do that. If my heart is just sensitive enough to feel others pain. You see, a friend of mine...well, we're not real close, but I consider her a friend, lost a close family member, in a tragic accident yesterday. I know she is really hurting right now, and I wonder if I was feeling a little bit of that. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. I've lost friends and family members, but never someone young that I was very close to. I don't have a really close family, so I can't say if I lost one of them that I'd be in as deep of pain as she is right now. But I can imagine how I might feel, and yet at the same time, I have nothing to compare it to. Yes, I was close to Dave, but he wasn't as young as this person, and he'd been sick for a long time, so it wasn't a total shock, like this is. I do hope that it is me sympathizing with her, because otherwise I have no idea where this pain was coming from. I hadn't been thinking about past abuse or anything like that.

I did have to apologize to God for spending most of my day playing around on facebook and twitter instead of spending time with Him. I didn't get into the word until after dinner!!!! That is very unlike me! That did make a difference and I definitely feel bad, but I confessed my sin and I fully believe that He has forgiven me, and I asked Him to help me do better tomorrow! I have complete confidence that I have regained my focus and tomorrow will be all about Him again! So, tomorrow's a new day!

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 8

My heart is pretty raw this morning. I've been afraid of other's misunderstanding of me. People who will not understand why I have to be alone right now. Why I can only trust my heart to Jesus, alone, right now. I can trust a little bit of it to you, because you are not so close to me that you can hurt me. I can turn this computer off and what you think no longer matters, cause most of you I don't have to live with. I don't have to go to church with you. I don't have to see you at the grocery store. And really, you're very unlikely to talk to me about something you read on my blog, even if you are a part of my "normal" life. And really, most of the time, it isn't that I don't trust people to know my story. It's that I don't trust them to react in a compassionate way at the moment they hear it. I'm afraid of your flesh and blood in my presence, and what you would do if I said something you'd never heard. What would you do or say, if I started sobbing right in front of you, like I often do in prayer and behind this computer screen and during my devotional time? Will you think I'm ridiculous and I need to just buck up and get over it? Cause, I've been told that by well-meaning Christians. They don't get it. I'm afraid of being misunderstood and getting the wrong counsel, that will only further hurt me, which is what I've experienced from many.

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 4

If you've been wondering if it's occurred to me that there might be some risk involved in this commitment of mine, it has. I've realized several things.





1. I could get so comfortable here that I become an agoraphobic.





Yes, it could happen, but I seriously doubt it. I'm such an extreme extrovert that to me the fact that I haven't driven myself crazy yet is proof of God's approval of this plan! I usually get pretty lonely by the second day of no direct human contact. I'm not lonely! I'm loving every minute I have with my Jesus. In fact, a really cool thing happened the other day. I was getting ready to soak my toe and thinking about how God had not told me anything real clearly just yet, and I had this thought-prayer, "God, I think maybe you're holding off, because you're just really enjoying having me all to Yourself." After I thought that it occurred to me that this was the first time EVER in my entire life, that I had seriously thought that God might actually enjoy me! ME! Shellie Paparazzo, former drug addict, alcoholic, barely knows what a boundary is let alone does she ever keep one, fit-throwing, all too often fakey, oversensitive, used to sleep around a lot (half the guys I've slept with I didn't even know their names) ME! God might actually enjoy that person! Really?! Yes, really! Crazy as it may sound I believe it! I'm truly beginning to believe it to the core of my being! I KNOW that I know that He loves me and has completely forgiven me, at least most of the time, I think. It's funny how some of the smaller, more recent things are harder for me to let go of then the really "big" sins of my past. I guess mostly because right now they're so close to my heart and mind. I also have realized that I am struggling with guilt over things that are probably not even things I should be feeling guilty about. I guess that's what they call false guilt. I feel guilty whenever I spend my husband's hard earned money. Even when it's for things I need, just because it's for me! I've even felt guilty for buying groceries, as if I don't even deserve to eat! I've felt guilty for getting an ingrown toenail and needing to go to the doctor. I've felt guilty for buying summer clothes and for buying things for the kids to do this summer. I even felt guilty for buying the devotional book that is helping me so much right now! I feel guilty for not working outside the home. I feel guilty for sending my kids to public school, even though I know that for us it was the best choice. It was the best choice because I can't handle having the kids home all the time! How awful is that!!! I feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. I feel guilty for needing counseling. I feel guilty for having to take antidepressants and allergy medicine. You get the idea. I feel guilty for anything and everything that might take away from what someone else might have been able to have.

2. My neighbors could decide I'm so crazy that they never allow their children anywhere near me or my home again! Can you imagine how awful that would be for my poor kids?!

3. I could get sick or hurt and not be able to call for help and no one would have a clue for days! Pretty slim chance, but it could happen. Please don't bug me constantly just because it might happen!

All in all, I think the possible benefits are worth the risk! I'm having a great time with Jesus!

My Own Personal "Shack" Part 2

I wish this really was a shack, preferably in the mountains or near the ocean, but definitely way farther away from people. All the noise outside my house is driving me crazy! I'm a naturally curious person, so even in the middle of a very intense prayer time with God if I hear something I peak through the curtains to see what is going on! I even saw a friend out there once. He works for our next door neighbor, so he's here a lot. It was all I could do not to open the window and shout "Hi, Dan!" but I didn't. God and I've gotten through a lot of pages today. It's sparked some hope in my heart. I plan to not answer the door, but I don't have curtains on all my windows, including the one on my door, so when I'm stretched out on the couch, like I am right now you can see me through the window on the door. Or, you can't completely see me all the time, but as a knee jerk reaction (much like the issue I'm dealing with) I pop my head up when I hear a knock. So far, it's just been kids looking for my kids. The first night, before I had this plan, Jeremiah's good friend, Nathan, knocked on the door and I answered and told him that no one else is home. Just me. So hopefully the other kids will talk to him and find out no one else is here. I'm sure the kids that knocked last night think I'm a freak! They knocked once. I popped my head up and then scrunched back down to ignore them. They came back a couple minutes later and knocked again. This time I popped my head up and waved them away, shaking my head and mouthing "go away." Yeah, like I said, they probably think I'm a freak. This is part of what I'm getting over. Worrying about what other people think of me, and allowing it to really get to me. See the problem is when someone criticizes me, or I think they did, I begin to fear that what they say about me is true! Especially if they use words like "lazy", "stupid", "worthless", or "gross." These are things I was called in my emotionally and sometimes physically abusive home growing up. My laziness is not really laziness. It's fear. Fear of screwing up. Fear of proving that I'm stupid and worthless. Mostly, I just don't let people get close enough to hurt me. What I'm doing now may seem to be only increasing the likeliness of that problem, but what happens is when I read these things about myself or hear them, I get angry. Not just at the person, but at everyone! At my husband, at my kids, at anyone who may be nearby! I say terrible, mean things that I would never say otherwise to drive them away! To drive everyone away! It's not even conscious, but I do it! I stop believing anything positive anyone says about me. And, of course, ultimately, since I believe that what the person said about me or I perceived they said about me, is true, I end up being angry with myself and wanting to end my life! Too many people in my life, know all too well, how often this happens. If I could see it coming I might be able to stop it, but what I mean by it being uncontrollable (a word I used to describe it in my last post) is that I do see it starting, but I can't stop it. I told you it's complicated! I don't even realize how much hearing those things about myself still affects me, until I see or hear those ugly words again. I'll think I'm doing well. Things are going along just fine and then wham! Somebody slams me with those sorts of accusations (or perceived accusations. I think you get the point about the perception thing! Can we just assume from now on that's sometimes the case? I wasn't accused at all, but I thought they did?) and I go off on them or my family or friends, or all of the above! You get the point. And then, of course, I turn it on myself. And I do realize that my being frozen by fear makes me appear to be lazy, but I'm not! I was raised on a ranch! Are you kidding me?! I know what real work is! I've done it! And been told over and over again that it wasn't good enough. That I didn't try hard enough or I was worthless and would never amount to anything. Or, how could I be so stupid! I could go on and on about the things my parents and teachers would say about the work that I did, but you get the point. I believed it, to the core of my being, and now somehow, even though I know what God's Word says about me, those lies are so deeply rooted, I can't seem to get to a place where they don't cause me to overreact. I still fear that all those things are true of me.

Now, as many of you know, I can't figure out how to comment on my own blog with the recent changes blogger has made, so I'm going to comment to your comments here in this post. Everytime I tried to comment using my blogger account or URL address it just tells me I'm not a member of that site! Really!?! I didn't know I had to be a member of my OWN BLOG!!!

So, here goes: KtCallista- thank you! There is one thing I could use right about now. I have quite a list going, but this is the only one I could really use right now or it will be too late (planning to order online and have things shipped UPS). Do you happen to have some Epsom Salt? Or could you get some and I could pay you back? I could really use it for my ingrown toenail. I'm really hoping I don't have to go back to the doctor for my appointment on Tuesday to have it removed, now that the infection is gone. I didn't think Epsom salt would help before. I mean I've used it for sore muscles, but not something like this. Someone at Camp Grizzly before I left told me it actually would help, so I'm going to try it if I can?

Candy- I'm so glad Angela got to go to VBS! I was a little worried about that! Tell her MOMMY. LOVES. HER. SO. MUCH. and I'll see her soon, but I can't talk to her right now. I'm doing this as much for her and her brother and sister as I am for myself and her daddy. She won't understand now, but I'm hoping someday she will!

Sojourner- Huh? I think I'm missing something? What are you talking about? I mean, I know what you're talking about, but I don't get the connection between that and my post? How'd you come up with that from that? I'm sure you had a point. You always do, but I don't get it!

Chloe's Been Baptized!

Well, it's late and I haven't downloaded any new pictures onto my laptop yet. Plus, the camera's dead, so I'm pretty sure I can't until I charge it up!

But, I thought I'd let you know, it is now official! All of the Paparazzo children have been baptized! Chloe was baptized this morning! I will hopefully be able to get my hands on the video and figure out how to put those on here. Since my camera died before it was her turn, the video's on my hubby's iPhone! It's a little late to be figuring that out right now!

So, one parenting goal accomplished. Now for the other 5 million!!! Wish me luck.....or better yet, pray!!! Please!!!

Jeremiah's "Injury" And Friends

The picture on the left totally freaked out a lot of people on facebook a few weeks ago :) Okay, really. I shouldn't even be smiling about that, but it was kind of funny! This was actually stage make-up, done by a professional, who is my children's theatre teacher. This really did look as realistic in person as it does in this picture. It's a good thing he's a bad actor, unlike his amazingly talented sister! I she'd have done what he was trying to do you probably would have been visiting ME in the hospital! Oh, my! And then, of course, I turned around and just put pictures with no captions on facebook with no caption, freaking out some of our friends who love him almost as much as we do! So not nice of me! When he came home he sort of had his hand up by that side of his face, trying to look like he was in agony, except he was smiling the whole time! His friend, said, "You really need to look at his face, to which he then slowly removed his hand and I saw this! I also remembered the theatre teacher talking about getting a new shipment of stage make-up and telling me she might use him as a model. I wouldn't have remembered that in the moment if he wasn't such a poor actor, though! I mean, seriously! I've seen him cry over a scrape. A painful scrape mind you, but nothing compared to this! He'd be screaming hysterically if this was real! I remembered the conversation with his teacher, and smiled and said something to the effect of "That's stage make-up, you goof!" But then, like I said, decided to put my friends in the hospital! Now, the picture on the right is a picture Angela insisted I take of her friends at our prayer group. You probably recognize the one on the left of the screen from my last post. That's Lilly. The other two are Emma (in the middle) and Maggie (on the right). Now, this isn't the same Maggie that is my daughter's best friend from school. I actually really miss that Maggie. My daughter has been spending more time with another friend she's adopted as her best friend, named Riley. I sure hope she hasn't completely ditched Maggie. She's such a sweet girl and they've been friends for a long time. Since Kindergarten actually. Those kind of friends cannot be replaced. Anyway, these girls really enjoy each other's company under the care of a baby-sitter, once a week, while we parents pray. They play all sorts of games and have so much fun. Sometimes it's a little hard to hear in the other room while they're...um...having fun :) but they are having fun, so we really don't mind:)