Tuesday, April 6, 2010
My Struggle With Major Depressive Disorder
It's amazing how quickly moods change. And it's sickening. I hate suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. I seem to never know when something might set me off and when it does I have no control over it. Even sometimes as I'm typing or yelling or doing whatever awful thing I'm doing, I'm telling myself, "Shellie, this is ridiculous, stop!" And yet, even though I am consciously telling myself this I'm still ranting and raving! I don't get it, I know as much as they pretend to, doctors don't get it. Pastors don't even get it. I'm pretty convinced that only God gets it. Thank goodness I have a relationship with Him and know that even when I've screwed up all my relationships, He still loves me. I'm just wondering when He's going to tell me what's going on and what I can do to fix it. What I can feasibly do, not what I could do if I lived somewhere where I could get affordable Godly counseling and many other resources.