No More Emotions (or so I wish)

I know I'm not supposed to post negative feelings on my blog, even though this is the only outlet with other human beings I have since my issues are too big for anyone other than a professional and there are no decent Christian professionals in this area to help me, plus I wouldn't be able to afford one if there were any. I just found out that we're losing our car insurance cause between the two of us, too many accidents and tickets. Then, we also got a letter from our landlords telling us too basically fix up our place or get out (in not so many words), so now I've gone from no money to even less money. It's pretty bad when you can't even shop at Salvation Army most of the time, you're so broke, even when you need clothes. I'm just trying to quit feeling anything and forget about freedom in Christ or having healthy relationships or anything. I don't get to have anything more than going through the motions, so I'm going to go back to doing that, so I can get through life. I was doing well with that for a couple of years. Then, I did Beth Moore's Believing God study. It made me realize how messed up I was and made me want to be free. I should have known that would have never happened for me. Hope is a terrible thing. It's death to me.