Monday, November 16, 2009

A Fun, Busy Day and An Explanation Of Sorts

Wow! What a busy day! I'm feeling a lot better so far this week. I was very much encouraged last Friday at Celebrate Recovery and my mood improved throughout the weekend. I actually missed my step study this morning. I was up and down all night with a stomach ache and when I got up this morning still wasn't 100 percent. I asked Josh if he could help get the kids ready for school and he said yes, and ordered me back to bed. In other words, he was going to do it himself. I didn't think I'd actually fall asleep, but apparently I did, cause when I woke up it was 10 till nine. My step study started at 8:45. Luckily, I'm only one of the leaders so step study still took place which is the only reason I didn't have it in my mind to call people right away and not even risk falling back to sleep. I did feel bad for not calling and at least telling them why I wasn't there before they got started. Anyway, I felt better and that point and got up and did some laundry and otherwise just relaxed. I went with my husband to my friend's house to get our Kangen water or as my kids call it, "the good water." They can't stand the taste of our filtered tap water now. It has to be Kangen water. They complained when we ran out. Now we probably won't run out, cause I know how to get to her house. When the kids got home from school, I cuddled with Jeremiah for a while. (He probably doesn't like me saying that publicly, but too bad.) Then, we went to the Dollar Tree where Jeremiah bought a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. poster that he wanted with 1 dollar of his birthday money. Then, we went to the local arcade in the mall, where Jeremiah let his sisters help him spend most of the rest of his birthday money. They had a great time. After a while I noticed Angela started to really slow down and didn't seem her normal self. I kept asking her if she was okay and she kept insisting she was fine. Finally, I got her to admit that she wasn't feeling too good. It was about 6:15 at that time and Jeremiah had a Cub Scout den meeting at 7, so I gathered the kids and we headed home and grabbed a bite to eat. Jeremiah got in his Cub Scout uniform and grabbed his Webelos book and we headed out the door. After we dropped him off, the girls and I went to the grocery store and picked up some allergy medicine and some ice cream. Mostly the ice cream was for Angela. She hates medicine and ice cream is really the only thing that sometimes makes her feel better. Besides, I couldn't get her to eat anything else. She hardly ate any of her ice cream, too, so she must be sick. She fell asleep on the couch and Josh just kicked her off the couch and sent her to bed. It's been a generally good day, even if I really got nothing done, other than some good times with the kids. And isn't that the only thing that makes being a stay-at-home mom worth it? Nobody chooses this life because they sooo want to do laundry, dishes, and other house chores! We choose it so we can spend as much time as possible with our children!

Now, on a new topic: I felt it necessary to explain why I allow my raw emotions to be made so public! My life is pretty much an open book. I think it's important that people get a real glimpse of what it is to live with depression, among other issues that many of the seemingly "normal" peopole in the world have to live with on a daily basis. I would never expect anyone else to be that real publicly. It can be scary. It makes you very vulnerable. Besides, I'll admit it, I want to be understood, and counseling never seemed to help me. Those are educated people, with a successful career. What could they possibly know about someone like me? So there, you have it. That's why I'm willing to make myself so vulnerable on a public blog. It's definitely not a good choice for everyone and may not be for me either, but it's the choice I've made.

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