A Tired Day

Wow! Am I tired! I think I got a little too used to sleeping in! I could not get out of bed this morning! Luckily the kids can pretty much get themselves ready for school, including breakfast or I'm not sure anyone would have ever made it! I would have just stayed in bed, but I've already missed way too much of the step study I'm supposed to be co-leading with my friend, KO, so I really need to get going. I'm mostly ready. Just have to gather a few things and get out the door in about 20 minutes. Shouldn't be a problem. Staying awake during class will be the trick. Thank God for coffee!

My Happy Little Pretend Cowgirls

Yay! School's starting back up again tomorrow! Maybe I can get back to our silly devotionals with me as your host! The kids and I went to church today without Josh. He wanted to just lay on the couch and move as little as possible so his burn can heal some more. He's got all kinds of gross, messy stuff he's putting on it to help it heal. It finally formed a scab, so it's a little easier to deal with, but still kind of painful! My uncle stopped by and dropped off Angela's birthday present from grandma while we were gone. It's only late because she got the wrong size when she came up for her birthday on Halloween. Halloween's not her birthday, the day after is, but grandma came on Halloween with Angela's ill-fitting cowGIRL boots. This pair fits and she's a very happy little wanna be cowgirl. I keep trying to call them cowboy boots and I always get corrected. Now Chloe has her old pair, so both my girls have cowGIRL boots and they are VERY happy about it! Chloe's are pink, so she's really happy, and Angela's happy that hers aren't. She has big girl CowGIRL boots now. Just like the one's her Mommy had growing up. Of course, I had the horse and the ranch and everything to go with them and hated it! So, now I'm raising my kids in town and they dream of living the country life I once lived. Doesn't that just figure! I longed for their life and they long for mine. The grass truly is always greener, I guess.

A Relaxing Black Friday

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our church friends and in just about a half hour I will be heading back to church to enjoy some more fellowship and leftovers. It should be loads of fun. I've had a great do nothing day today!

New Dresser and A Confused Mom

I have a feeling the reason why there are no comments on my posts this week is not because you all have not had anything to say, but because you are not as addicted to blogging as I am. I cannot stay off of here, even when I obviously have nothing new to tell you. My girls finally got their new dresser this morning and they are very excited. Their daddy won't let them put any labels on their dressers which none of us are very happy about, because we have to remember where everything goes. What a pain! I can't even remember what day of the week it is half the time. I'm constantly questioning myself on where it is I'm supposed to be on any given day, cause I'm rarely 100 percent sure it's the day I think it is. I'm usually right, but I still get confused sometimes. Oh, well. We'll see if I can put their clothes away properly without labeled drawers.

Skipping Meals Is Not A Good Idea

I should be going to bed now. I'm really tired, but my tummy's still full cause I at around 10. Couldn't help myself. I went to the grocery store and it made me hungry. You ever have that problem. I missed dinner, too, so that didn't help. Good thing I was broke or I would have bought everything in the store I was so hungry!

Thanksgiving Is Coming!

I can't wait for tomorrow! I'm dying for more turkey! (I already had one Thanksgiving dinner!) All this talk about food is making me hungry. Everyone everywhere is talking about what they are having for Thanksgiving dinner! Going to my prayer group tonight. Yay! Already almost completely healthy!

New Thanksgiving Plans

I was sick yesterday. On the mend today. I feel so much better! It must be the water. I never get over a cold this fast. I've been drinking Kangen water. You should look it up. My kids love it. It tastes ten times better than any bottled or filtered water. My girls were supposed to get a new dresser yesterday, but the people we bought it from who are also delivering it to us had an emergency yesterday and weren't able to get it to us, so now we're supposed to get it today. The girls can't wait. Yesterday was totally focused on their room, getting it ready for the new dresser. It's huge. If I was up to moving stuff around in my room Josh and I would put it in our room and give our dresser to the girls. We have a lot of stuff folded in the bottom of the closet because we can't fit all of our clothes in the drawers and closet. Maybe eventually we'll trade. I doubt it, though. I probably won't want to move stuff once I've got it all moved in with the clothes in the dresser. They have another big dresser that has Angela's clothes in it, so really it's Chloe's dresser. We found it on Craigslist. Hopefully, I'll get a nap today. Who knows, though, with no one working or going to school today. Anyway, being sick is why we're not gone. We're staying here for Thanksgiving. It should be fun, anyway. We're going to our church for Thanksgiving dinner. They have a dinner for all those with nowhere to go. It'll be great to hang out with our friends there.

Confessions...

Okay, a friend asked me to do this. We're confessing things that we've done as a mother that we didn't think we'd ever do when we weren't parents and thought we were soooo cool and sooooo smart. Well, here goes. You guys are probably going to think I'm totally disgusting when I'm done. Let's see if I can think of five.


1. I have wiped my kids noses with my shirt.
(I think most of these will be about nose wiping)

2. I laugh when my son tries to burp real loud, and I say, "Good one!" instead of telling him it's impolite!

3. I actually once told my son to hit his little sister back when she hit him. She was about a year old and he was almost 3 and a lot bigger than her! Plus just the fact that he's a boy. She barely touched him and he started bawling and ran to me, crying, "Mommy, Angela hit me!" I turned around, in shock that he was crying about this and said, "You're bigger than her! Hit her back!"
He didn't by the way. I think he was just as shocked that I said that as I was.

4. I've wiped there noses with my hand.....in public. Of course the awkward part is then, trying to figure out what you're going to wipe your hand on.

5. Now, that my kids are older, I sometimes let them fend for themselves for meals, especially if I'm sick, like today.

Now, you know what an awful, lazy, disgusting mom I really am. Hope you still like me.

A Pile of Clothes to fold and A Wonderful Sunday

Aah! Sunday! My day of rest and relaxation....well, after I chase everybody out the door for church! Tomorrow, I'm going to have to get to work folding the ton of clothes that Josh and I have done. For now, I'm just going to ignore it and relax.

A Much Better Week and Looking Forward To Thanksgiving

Well, it was a good week. Finally! After the 2 before that being horrible! Let's see if we can keep it up. I made it 6 days with no soda, before I decided to have one tonight. After all I'm going to be at my parents house away from sodas of any kind, more than likely for at least 3 days this next week. Of course, I'll also be away from anything even remotely resembling modern technology, since my parents are not at all interested in having internet hooked up in their home. I know, what planet are they from, right? People way older than them have the internet. It's crazy. But, that's the lifestyle they've chosen and they are my parents and I love them, so we're going to go see them for Thanksgiving and the girls and Jeremiah, hopefully, will get to play with the horses. I'll probably be on here again before then, but just in case I'm not, happy Thanksgiving!

Genesis 1:14-19

Genesis 1:14-19



And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights-the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning-the fourth day.



So, He separated the day from the night, so I wouldn't get confused about what day it is. Too bad it didn't work. I require a calendar and someone better be crossing out each day as it passes or I might still get confused! I decide what season it is based on whether I'm covered in fleece to stay warm or only a thin sheet when I wake up in the morning. Right now it's definitely fleece! Brrrr! I'm thankful for the light, though. It's very hard to function early in the morning when it's so dark. It gets much easier when the light He created so beautifully for us rises in the sky. And I like the moon and the stars. They are beautiful and they really help when we have to leave the house at night. Otherwise it would be very hard to be able to see my way to the car. And again, all in one day. Wow! I consider it a good day if I get a few loads of laundry in! It's even better if all the laundry has been folded and put away!

My Usual Busy Wednesday

Well, today's my busiest day of the week. I have bible study this morning. Then, later, Jeremiah has AWANA and Angela has Hockey practice. Also, I have prayer meeting if I can fit it in. Only if Josh can pick up Angela. The Wednesdays that he can't, I have to pick her up at 7:15. My prayer meeting starts at 7. So, I'll take her to practice, drop Jeremiah off at AWANA's and probably just return to the ice rink to watch her practice. Maybe. It depends largely on how Chloe's doing. Okay, probably not, cause Chloe will be bored. She'll have to sit through her games. Might as well not bore her to tears with practice as well. Anyway, it's time to get the kids up and get them ready for school. Breathe in, breathe out. Okay, I'm ready!

My Very Big Cub Scout (Soon To Be Boy Scout)

Wow! More Boy Scouts! My Jeremiah is going to a troop meeting tonight. It keeps us really busy, this transitioning from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. No one told me his last year in Cub Scouts would mean taking him to both Boy Scouts troop meetings and his usual Cub Scout activities and some of the Boy Scouts activities as well. Although, it does make sense to get them used to Boy Scouts while they're finishing up their requirements for Cub Scouts, instead of just waiting for them to bridge over to Boy Scouts in the spring and send them to Boy Scout camp with a bunch of kids they don't know in the summer. Definitely would like him to know some of the kids he'll be spending that week in the summer with. He very much enjoys Cub Scouts and is very excited about moving up to Boy Scouts. He's growing up so fast, but it is kind of fun being a part of it. Even if I seem to only be a small part at this point in his life. He's joining a troop with a boy from our church as well, so he'll really be comfortable in this troop. Not that he wouldn't quickly adjust to any troop. He's very easy that way. Very personable and fun.

A Fun, Busy Day and An Explanation Of Sorts

Wow! What a busy day! I'm feeling a lot better so far this week. I was very much encouraged last Friday at Celebrate Recovery and my mood improved throughout the weekend. I actually missed my step study this morning. I was up and down all night with a stomach ache and when I got up this morning still wasn't 100 percent. I asked Josh if he could help get the kids ready for school and he said yes, and ordered me back to bed. In other words, he was going to do it himself. I didn't think I'd actually fall asleep, but apparently I did, cause when I woke up it was 10 till nine. My step study started at 8:45. Luckily, I'm only one of the leaders so step study still took place which is the only reason I didn't have it in my mind to call people right away and not even risk falling back to sleep. I did feel bad for not calling and at least telling them why I wasn't there before they got started. Anyway, I felt better and that point and got up and did some laundry and otherwise just relaxed. I went with my husband to my friend's house to get our Kangen water or as my kids call it, "the good water." They can't stand the taste of our filtered tap water now. It has to be Kangen water. They complained when we ran out. Now we probably won't run out, cause I know how to get to her house. When the kids got home from school, I cuddled with Jeremiah for a while. (He probably doesn't like me saying that publicly, but too bad.) Then, we went to the Dollar Tree where Jeremiah bought a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. poster that he wanted with 1 dollar of his birthday money. Then, we went to the local arcade in the mall, where Jeremiah let his sisters help him spend most of the rest of his birthday money. They had a great time. After a while I noticed Angela started to really slow down and didn't seem her normal self. I kept asking her if she was okay and she kept insisting she was fine. Finally, I got her to admit that she wasn't feeling too good. It was about 6:15 at that time and Jeremiah had a Cub Scout den meeting at 7, so I gathered the kids and we headed home and grabbed a bite to eat. Jeremiah got in his Cub Scout uniform and grabbed his Webelos book and we headed out the door. After we dropped him off, the girls and I went to the grocery store and picked up some allergy medicine and some ice cream. Mostly the ice cream was for Angela. She hates medicine and ice cream is really the only thing that sometimes makes her feel better. Besides, I couldn't get her to eat anything else. She hardly ate any of her ice cream, too, so she must be sick. She fell asleep on the couch and Josh just kicked her off the couch and sent her to bed. It's been a generally good day, even if I really got nothing done, other than some good times with the kids. And isn't that the only thing that makes being a stay-at-home mom worth it? Nobody chooses this life because they sooo want to do laundry, dishes, and other house chores! We choose it so we can spend as much time as possible with our children!

Now, on a new topic: I felt it necessary to explain why I allow my raw emotions to be made so public! My life is pretty much an open book. I think it's important that people get a real glimpse of what it is to live with depression, among other issues that many of the seemingly "normal" peopole in the world have to live with on a daily basis. I would never expect anyone else to be that real publicly. It can be scary. It makes you very vulnerable. Besides, I'll admit it, I want to be understood, and counseling never seemed to help me. Those are educated people, with a successful career. What could they possibly know about someone like me? So there, you have it. That's why I'm willing to make myself so vulnerable on a public blog. It's definitely not a good choice for everyone and may not be for me either, but it's the choice I've made.

Our Harried Lives!

Okay, my dear friends. I know I haven't been in the best mood lately, but I do get upset by the expectations of others for me to be the average American Christian woman, and judging me for not being that and I've experienced a lot of that lately. Plus I've been trying to quit drinking soda which doesn't help. I'm struggling with how to tell a dear friend that I can't be as consistent about doing something she challenged me to try because it takes too much time to get my supplies each week and my family just doesn't have that kind of time. I know she's going to say, "What, you don't have time to be healthy?" which always makes me feel like the most horrible person on the planet. But you know what, no, I don't. A lot of people don't. After all, do any of us really eat processed food because we actually think it's healthy. No, I think the majority of Americans know that it's not healthy and yet most of what we eat is processed food, because it's quick and we are always in a hurry. We live in a society that forces us to be that way. I mean, some put it on themselves by putting too high of expectations of themselves and giving in to the pressures of others, but we do live in a society that since they're all running, we have to run to keep up!

Genesis 1:9-13

Genesis 1:9-13



And God said, " Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning-the third day.



I love that we have the land and the sea and knowing that we have God to thank for that. Those of you who know me well, know how much I love the ocean. It is probably my most favorite of all God's creations. Maybe that's what's been wrong lately. I haven't been anywhere near the ocean in years! I have definitely not had the best couple of weeks. I like the land pretty well, too, even though I'm allergic to a lot of the things that grow on it! But, of course fruits and veggies are a good thing! Even if my son would disagree. So, there you have it, the third day!

Depression Again

I really hate depression. It never seems to go away. There's always someone around to remind me of my families financial disaster and the fact that I have never been able to help my family out financially, because I can't work outside the home without having so much pressure that I have a complete nervous breakdown. I'm not pushy enough to do a home-based business successfully and I'm really not very good with computers. Why do you think my blog is so boring looking and I never have any pictures on here? I don't know how to do any of that stuff. And everything I start to learn usually flies out the window right after I successfully do it the first time. I'm probably the only person to not be able to successsfully run a program following directions from a "Dummies" book exactly as they printed them. I'm worthless, hopeless, and will never amount to anything no matter what I do. I should never be put in a position to make any kind of decisions.

Emotional Responses: Sometimes I Wish I Was A Robot

Oh, man. I really need to go to bed! Pissed off a friend, apparently. Had to deal with that in some way, while still being honest about what I really think. Still didn't do a very good job, I don't think. I have a bad habit of immediately responding emotionally. You'd think with all the healing that I've done that I'd have quit doing that by now, but apparently not.

School Pics

Sorry, no more Genesis today. Jeremiah stayed home sick from school, so I've been distracted. And today was picture retake day. Jeremiah and Angela needed their pictures redone. Oh, well. So, Jeremiah's going to look more like his normal, goofy self in his school pictures than like the child on his very best of behavior and totally normal. Being normal is not normal for him at all, so I guess you'll all get to see his true self in his school pics! Angela will hopefully be getting some better one's in a few weeks. Chloe's turned out perfect. I swear the camera loves that girl!

A Not So Typical Sunday

I know. I've been on here a ton lately. I've just needed to express myself and writing is my favorite form of expression. My private journal has gotten a lot of writing in it as well. My two older kids were invited to hang out with the youth group this afternoon. We all had lunch with them at the church and then Jeremiah and Angela stayed for the movie they are watching. They're watching Bolt. My kids have seen it like 3 times already, but they wanted to stay. I think they're feeling pretty cool getting to hang out with the teenagers. I'll be picking them up in an hour. Chloe is liking being home with just me. Josh is in LaCrosse at a board meeting discussing starting a Boy Scout Troop there. He should be home this afternoon. After that, we'll probably have a couple of hours to all relax as a family before Josh has to go deliver pizza. That's his second job that he only does on Sunday nights. Trust me, we need the extra money for all our extra medical bills!

My Awesome Husband

Josh went and got my yummy water that I love so much!!! Isn't he wonderful! Now, he's watching tv. He also finished cleaning the house for me. The kids started yesterday. It was all done when I got home from Celebrate Recovery!

Addiction Continued

It's a new day, and it's a beautiful one! No headache so far. We'll see how we do today! I'm going to my friend's house to get my water today. I can't wait to get it. It tastes so much better than even my filtered tap water!

My Not So Good Day

Ugh! My day went from bad to worse. The kids continued to make me want to, as Beth Moore, would say, "snatch them baldheaded." They destroyed my bedroom during a pillow fight. I'm still trying to find some of my books that got knocked all over the room. One in particular that's very important. It's for the step study that I'm c0-leading. It would be really bad if one of their fearless (can you say denial?) leaders showed up on Monday without their book. Yes, I frequently speak about myself in the third person. Get used to it. Anyway, they moved their rough housing into the kitchen after that and knocked down some dishes. At that point I sent them all into their rooms to CHILL OUT! (Can you believe they actually asked me later if they could have some coffee?!) I then let the two oldest go to TJ's Books, a used book store not far from our house. They love to go there and see what books they have that they might like and report back to me what they found. That's when I discovered the missing books. I called them on the cell phone I always send them with and ordered them home. I screamed at them on the phone. I'm sure they couldn't understand a word I said, really. At that point I had a headache, from going all day without soda. Then, Josh called and I told him what happened. He came home and gave them all daddy spankings. Those are much worse than mommy spankings just so you know. Then, they were ordered to clean the house, including doing dishes. They proceeded to do so. Later I got a phone call from my friend with the Kangen water. This was a good thing really. She told me that if I wasn't going to use the water could she buy back her containers that she had sold me. I told her I still wanted to try the water, I just couldn't until I got off the soda. She then, told me that she would try to help me with that. In fact, she told me that some people she knew who were on the water told her that after they'd drank the water for a while soda didn't taste as good to them anymore, so it helped them quit. Soda had never been an issue for her, so she'd had to ask some other people about it. So, she told me that she'd be at her house at a certain time that evening and if I could meet her there and bring my empty jugs, she could refill them for me. So, I got the directions to her house, got ready to go and headed out. She lives in an area I've never driven to before (been there but never driven there) and I'd never been to her house, obviously. I got lost, and couldn't find it, so I came back home. Called my husband and yelled at him, as if it's his fault, right. But I wanted him to help me and he was working as usual. He got her phone number from me and called her himself and set up a time to get the water tomorrow. So, we're getting it tomorrow. We fought more about his job and everything else. I'm just really cranky I guess, and I was feeling bad about pressuring him to take care of it for me. It seems my usual reaction to negative feelings these days is to get angry. When I couldn't find my friend's house, I yelled at the kids, blaming them for me not being able to find her house. If they hadn't been talking to me, asking me questions, wanting the radio turned up, etc. Ridiculous, I know. Those things didn't help, but I probably wouldn't have been able to find it anyway. It didn't help that other drivers were honking at me cause I was driving so slow, trying to find this place. Remember that the next time you're behind a slow driver, or one that seems confused. Maybe they are confused! Anyway, I eventually decided to go to Celebrate Recovery, which I'd previously decided not to do because of the kids behavior, but I'm glad I did. Everyone there is loving and accepting and it felt good just to be there with them.

The Mommies

Well, I only had one soda yesterday. We'll see if we can have none today. We'll see what we can do about that. I can already tell my kids are not going to be helpful. I've already had to break up a couple of fights. And now, I'm getting the "mommies" again. You all know what the "mommies" are if you have children. "Mommy he's doing such and such." "Mommy, she's doing such and such." That is happening a lot in my house this morning and we've only been up for about an hour!

Addiction

It seems I can't live a single day of my life without some sort of addiction. This one has been a constant in my life since I was in high school. I just didn't realize how addicted I was until I was given a new opportunity to improve my families health. It required me to make a committment though. I had to give it thirty days to start working. I had to quit drinking sodas and energy drinks and no bottled water or flavored water. It's called Kangen water. It's made with a special machine that separates out all of the acids so that it's more alkaline. This is a good thing. Our bodies are supposed to be more alkaline than acidic. But it doesn't work if I drink all that other stuff. I can drink coffee and tea and all that other stuff. I just need to use the Kangen water to mix it. Those of you who know me well, know what the problem is. People used to know that I was church when they heard a soda can open. That was then. Now I can get through church without a Pepsi, but apparently I can't go more than 2 1/2 days! It's ridiculous. In fact, I had just told some people that I make sure not to drink any soda for at least a day to be sure I'm not addicted. Well, I guess that's not enough. I'm going to have to try to quit yet again. We're talking migraine headache after 2 1/2 days of no soda. I talked to my husband before I head to Taco Bell for my fix. He told me, just think of the money you'll save if you don't go out for lunch. I told him, "Just think of the people I'll kill if I don't get a soda right now!" I know. Terrible. Why is it I'm always seriously addicted to something? My head was pounding so bad I literally couldn't think about anything else. I just barely kept moving. I couldn't do my work at home, cause I was just in so much pain! It was definitely withdrawals, mixed with the detoxification process the water sends you into. I was more miserable, physically, than ever before. Seriously, the flu feels better than this felt. I decided to quit drinking the water and try to wean myself off that soda before I try it again. Hopefully I'll be able to. I sure hope so, cause I really want to be healthy and have healthy kids.

Genesis 1:6-8

Genesis 1:6-8



And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water."So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning-the second day.



Okay, so this is the second day. Wow, it took me more than one day just to study what He did in one day! And I got to admit, this I'm having to read several times. I've read Genesis 1 many times, but I've never taken it apart and really look at the individual parts before now. I never thought about their behind "water separated from water." Maybe that's what He means by the earth being formless. Maybe it was entirely made of water. After all, water is pretty formless. So, then, maybe all the planets were water. So he separated them on day two by creating the sky. Look at the sky every once in a while today. Didn't he do a beautiful job?

Halloween with the Paparazzo's

The kids enjoyed their Halloween fun. We really didn't have a lot of money, so we used mostly what we already have at home. My kids love dress-up, so it wasn't hard. Jeremiah went as a Boy Scout, Angela went as the cutest cheerleader ever, and Chloe, the only person we bought a costume for, was the most adorable SuperGirl I have ever seen! She was just getting over a cold, but we managed to get her out for a while. We went trick-or-treating in a friend's neighborhood and then went to the Nazarene Church for some fun games, activities, and hot dogs and cider. Of course they also got candy and prizes there. Temporarily forgetting about Chloe's hay fever along with the cold she already was trying to get over, I sent her through the hay maze. I quickly remembered her hay fever when I heard a child hacking up a lung in the hay maze. Talk about feeling like the worst mom on the planet. We soon left at went to a couple of friends houses, before heading home to get her some medicine and off to bed. They had a good time anyway, and Chloe was soon feeling better and enjoying her candy. She still has the cough she's had all week and she and I stayed home from church this morning, but hopefully she'll be okay to go to school in the morning.