Friday, August 27, 2010
Peace In My Pain
Have you ever had one of those experiences where you knew that you were struggling through something that certain people wouldn't understand what you were going through, even if you tried to explain it to them and you really don't want that to influence their behavior around you anyway? You just want them to love you the way they've always loved you and talk to you the way they've always talked to you and let you deal with it between yourself and God and maybe a few trusted female friends and leave it alone. That's how I'm feeling about my husband right now. I know he loves me. In fact, as I mention in the post before this, I know he adores me, but I wish he wouldn't try to get me to share every single negative feeling I have all the time. I know he reads this and he knows I'm going through something and as far as I'm concerned that's all he needs to know. It's not like he can help. This one is beyond him, it's beyond me. It's beyond those trusted friends. I just trust them to know that and not either smother me to death and not leave me to be alone with my Lord and just enjoying the times of the day that I really am enjoying. I really am fine. God is healing me and I am loving actually being able to feel His presence during that process and sensing Him truly showing me who I can trust and how much to trust them with and how much to leave strictly between myself and My Jesus. I've never loved Him more. I've never loved my husband and my children more. And I've never loved my friends at BBF more. One in particular who took my midnight phone call and listened to me, prayed with me and reminded me of scriptures I dearly loved that told me exactly how much God cares and wants what's best for me and will love me through this and will bring me to the other side more prepared for the wonderful future He has planned for me! (see Jeremiah 29:11 among others: I can't really recall the others, but I know they are in there.) I'm at peace in my pain if that makes any sense!