Chloe With Clover Again!

Okay, so she really likes the horse and the elephant! We get it right! Doesn't she know it's ALLLLLL about the dress!!! Don't worry. You'll see the dress soon! I just like to torture you:)

Chloe And Her Elephant!

Here Chloe is again, with her elephant!

Chloe In An Easter Dress!

Okay, I promised (sort of) pictures of pretty girls in Easter dresses! This is one girl in an Easter dress, anyway! With her favorite stuffed animals! (Current count: I believe she has 75 now, after our post Easter shopping! I'm cheap, what can I say:)) Anyway, the horse is Clover, and the other one is an elephant that her dad won for her at the arcade on Friday! Aaaaah, isn't he such a superhero!!!! I can't remember what she named him. Today, I bought her the annual stuffed bunny (normally she gets one in her Easter basket, but it just didn't happen this year!) I also am a sucker and bought her another stuffed elephant at the Hope Center today! I think she suddenly fell in love with elephants when I read to her about "How The Elephant Got It's Trunk" a couple of weeks ago. Hmmm, who knows. You know, I think there's a story in that same book about a dolphin? Maybe I should read that and see if we end up buying a lot of dolphins :)

More Dumpster Pics

Some people post pictures of pretty girls in Easter dresses the day after Easter, others post pictures of silly preteen boys huddling up to a dumpster in baseball uniforms and jackets (the smart ones wore jackets or at least the ones with smart moms who are mean to their kids and make them wear jackets!). Hey, what can I say, I like to be different! Maybe we'll do girls in pretty Easter dresses tomorrow. Jesus came to save silly boys relying on dumpsters for heat, too! (Lord, knows, they definitely need saving!!!) See the boy with his arms stretched out on the dumpster! This is what they all were doing moments earlier. The ones with jackets had to spend less time hugging the dumpster!!!!

Hugging The Dumpster

This was before opening ceremonies. The boys totally cracked me up! At one point in the morning while they were waiting for their instructions they were all hugging the dumpster! The metal was warm and as is typical in Idaho, even though it was fairly warm later in the day, in the morning, it was COLD!!! It was windy and cold! It ended up being a nice day though really. I mean you still had to wear a light jacket, but that's really good for this time of year, around here! It was the best opening day we've ever had! And, again, Jeremiah's team won! Go Phillies! (You're gonna hear me say that a lot around here for a while:))

Another Picture Of Jeremiah And Talk To Me?

This is my goofy kid, who really just wants to play ball, thank you, very much! Not have his picture taken in his spiffy uniform! This year they even have their names on the backs of their jerseys. In all the years we've been involved Cal Ripken has never done that. Babe Ruth always does, but not Cal Ripken. He'll be playing Babe Ruth baseball next year! So crazy! He's growing up way too fast! Now, I realize it's Easter weekend and all, and I've been out of control with the blogging, but I would really like to see some comments on the blog! As you probably noticed, I've gotten bored once again with the design and colors and all, so it has a new look. What do you think? I played around with this for quite a while today, and I like it, but I don't know! I wish the blogs I'm following could be moved somewhere else, but I haven't been able to do that in a way that I'm satisfied with, so I guess I'm okay with it for now. Please do check out some of the other blogs when you have time. There are some really great ones!

And let me know if there're some other things that you'd like to see on the blog. I may or may not comply. I'm trying to be real careful where boundaries are concerned, but their are some places where some are a little sensitive that I'm willing to stretch the limits a little bit. I think some are a little too sensitive and they need their limits stretched a little bit. As far as my faith is concerned, I don't worry at all about offending people. I refuse to be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ! But let me know if you like what you see and if there's something you'd like to see more of! Please, talk to me!

My Little (big?) Baseball Player

Okay, this one on the left, is kind of silly. I'm not really sure what's up with that face, but okay! The one below is slightly better.

More Easter Fun!

You know, I never tire of blogging! I love it! The girls continued their Easter fun today! While Jeremiah and I were at the opening ceremonies for baseball, they were at an Easter egg hunt at East City Park. Angela got one of the big prizes cause she found one of the special eggs, so she got a whole 'nother Easter basket! It had a decorative four square ball in it. She would have rather had a basketball, but someone got that one before her, so she'll have to wait on her basketball. She's planning to play next year. She really misses ice hockey, but we just can't afford it. It's too expensive. The equipment is expensive and then they have to travel and stay overnight if they want to play much! She couldn't do any travelling last year, so she missed most of the games. All of the tournaments, except for our tournament here in Moscow. I really don't think it was worth it, but I think she feels differently. I felt bad about not being able to take her to the tournaments and far away games, so we decided not to do it this year. I really wish we could, but we also have two other kids to pay for their stuff, too, so we really can't.

The kids also, all three of them, got Easter baskets from our sweet neighbor, known as "grandma." She's pretty sweet. And to go along with all that candy, she always gives them a new toothbrush and toothpaste! I love the idea! I'm not so sure the kids are impressed!

GO PHILLIES!!!!

I do have more pictures for you. I'm just not on the computer my pictures are on right now. But I do want to let you all know that Jeremiah's team won their first game of the season against the Diamondbacks, another Moscow team, 7-5. It was a close game. It caused me heart palpitations. Not that that takes much to do that to me. I just so want my kids to do well in all that they do!

GO PHILLIES!!!!!

Play Ball!

Jeremiah in his new baseball jersey.

A Good Week And A New Book

I have to tell you after all of the pain and difficulty I have had this year, I am doing really well, right now. I feel like maybe God is giving me a little reprieve while I am being counseled to strengthen me for whatever is coming next. Cause something is always coming. As Mr. Eldredge pointed out many times in his book (refer to previous post) we were born into a world at war. We are currently involved in spiritual warfare in this world, whether we realize it or not. I think we forget that way to often and get a little too comfortable here and then The Enemy blindsides us. This happens to me a lot, in case you hadn't noticed and I'm getting really sick of it!!! I am doing my very best to study and get it through my head, that I am God's child and He is for me, never against me, so I must always trust Him and not let the Enemy convince me that God does not care about me. He does and it makes me sick that after all these years I could be convinced for one moment that God doesn't have my best interest at heart and so I need to take matters into my own hands! That always leads to disaster! And I think one of the ways that Satan does this is by convincing way too many Christians to not trust their hearts even once they've surrendered them to the Lord.

By the way, the new book I mentioned I will be reading soon is called "relationships: A Mess Worth Making" and it's written by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp. I should be starting this book at some point this weekend I would imagine. Right now, I should be in bed!

"Waking The Dead" by John Eldredge

Again, no pictures. Just me! I finished the book I was reading by John Eldredge called "Waking The Dead." I'd do a complete review on here, but I gave the book back to my friend and counselor, Shari. She's supposed to give me a new book today, that I'm being limited to one chapter a week on. (She figured out that I'm a "ravenous" reader!) This one is called "Relationships." Not sure who it's by. I'll tell you when I get my hands on it! She would have brought it to our session yesterday, but she forgot. She wasn't surprised that I had finished the Eldredge book! She knew I was getting through it fairly quickly! It's a great book, and really I think every Christian should read! It talks about a subject that I think most Christians know somewhere inside of them, but they often doubt, because it's never covered in church! It certainly isn't covered in my church. John Eldredge talks about the heart and he lets us know that in Christ are hearts are good! That might sound unbiblical to you, because we're told so much how our hearts are "desperately evil" and that the "desires of our hearts are only evil all the time." It does say that in the bible, but they're taking it out of context. It's when our hearts and minds are turned away from God that they're evil, and of course, before we know Christ. Hearing this from my pastor so much had made me even doubt my spiritual gifts or even my ability to recognize them or even know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. It made me doubt whether I should be writing or doing anything outside of just being a quiet, well-behaved wife and mother. I'm not even sure if that's possible for me! I've never been quiet or well-behaved by most people's standards! I think I'm occassionally well-behaved by God's standards, but definitely not people's standards! I'm sort of obnoxious. I hope I'm obnoxious for Christ and not against. I've been against Him at times and at those times I'm MISERABLE! I hate it, and quickly turn back in repentance. I think my pastor doubted my repentance to some extent. I don't mean to badmouth my pastor. He's a wonderful, godly man, and a great teacher with a good heart, just like the rest of us who are following Christ with our whole hearts! Do you notice how much I'm emphasizing the heart! It's very important! It's central to our faith! Many like myself have been tempted to shut down our hearts, and I fear that many have, because we feel we can't trust them even in Christ! That is the impression we get when we get told that even once we've received Christ that "the desires of our hearts are only evil all the time." But we can't love God without our hearts. We can't love people without our hearts, which are the two greatest commandments according to Jesus! He wouldn't ask us to do that if our hearts could not be cured in Him! The bible also says that He gives us a new heart. If you still don't believe me look up in your concordance all the times you see the word heart in the bible. I think you'll find that He says a whole lot of positive things about the heart! And....pick up a copy of John Eldredge's book, "Waking The Dead."

Early Easter!

Yes! I know! I know! It's not quite Easter yet, but what can I say, I was excited! I'm as impatient as they are. Actually probably more so!! Besides, I got the girls HUGE Easter baskets, which I could not find a spot to hide them in my car or in our tiny house with almost no available storage space! So, we just did all the fun, not so much Jesus relatede stuff, early! I figured Jeremiah would not be very upset about getting a small one. It added plenty of cars to his car collection, which, I don't know if any of you have noticed, but they never grow out of the car love! It's kind of nice actually, except for the fact that when he's sixteen, I have a feeling he will disappointed with this particular size of a car :) We'll see. He has to get his Eagle Scout before we'll even allow him to get a driver's license, anyway. So, he better start getting to work on his requirements. He hasn't even made it to First Class yet, which he should have by now! Oh, well, that we will definitely be working towards this summer!! He's going to have my boot print all over his back by the time this summer is over!! I don't know if you can tell, but Angela got a bunch of fun sports equipment like badminton raquets and a birdie, and a foam ball, and a hoop, and one of those little basketball hoops you can put in your room, and a jump rope, etc. Chloe's was all sorts of play rock diva stuff. A play quitar and microphone mostly, but also those funky gloves they wear and stuff like that, too.

In addition to the fun stuff I got them on Tuesday, today their grandma (my mom) made an unexpected trip up and brought some bags of stuff for the kids! She also brought cookies and stuff to decorate them! Jeremiah was at baseball practice and didn't get to see her, but the girls enjoyed having her! She was on her way up to Spokane to see my Uncle Jeff who's in the hospital after having hernia surgery. She's hoping to bring him home tomorrow and spend a day or so with him. Then, maybe she can return Saturday afternoon to see Jeremiah in his first game of the season. Pray! I'm sure Jeremiah would love to have her see him play, especially since he didn't get to see her today! She got him squirt guns and a glow in the dark t-shirt, which he thought was pretty cool. And of course, chocolate bunnies and all that sort of thing :) She got those for all three! Angela and Chloe got jewelry and nail polish and hair bands with sequens! They loved it all, of course! So much fun! I hope they're happy. I don't know if we'll be able to do Easter egg hunting this Saturday with it being opening day for Jeremiah's baseball season.

Healing In Tears

Guess what? I have not a single picture on my camera! Which means you just get to hear my heart, plain and simple. I want you all to keep in mind that these are rough drafts. Sometimes I edit a little bit, but mostly it's all completely unedited. It's Shellie uneditted, which is a really scary thought, I know. One of the things I love about writing is that I can get the words out and then decide whether or not I want to hit publish post. There have been times in the midst of deep depression that I've hit that button without really thinking and I've regretted it. Sometimes not enough to delete it, but sometimes I do delete it. But when you speak out loud to someone, you don't get to delete it. I get really nervous talking to people and I have this awkward laugh after I've said something that isn't even funny. Sometimes it's not funny at all. I'm not comfortable with my own emotions, so sharing them with others is very uncomfortable. I'm trying to focus less on myself in relationships and more on others. And not just trying in my own strength, but I am striving and praying to "put on the Lord Jesus Christ" (Romans 13:14) when I enter into a room full of people. I want to have real relationships and realize that my awkwardness drives people away. I have a really hard time having consistent relationships. I don't have healthy boundaries and I tend to swing on a pendulum where I'm real clingy for a while and then when someone hurts me or I perceive that they've hurt me (either way I'm hurt), then I push everyone away and start isolating. I was always taught that feelings are bad growing up. Particularly negative emotions and that I shouldn't express them in front of anyone. That is the way I've lived for years. I never realized how healing tears are until someone said something to me on Saturday that showed that they truly didn't understand me. They also mentioned something that someone said to them when they went to them for counseling that really upset me that anyone would say to someone coming to them for comfort, compassion, and love. I started to obsess about this on Saturday night while playing on my iPad in my bedroom before bed. I realized this was unhealthy and began talking to God about it and seeking to see if I needed to go to these people and address these issues. I realized that neither one of these people would be able to see things from my perspective and are much older and pretty set in their ways and would never consider the perspective of someone so much younger than them. Just in case you're wondering, the counselor is not my pastor. I then asked God to please help me to let go of it, in that case. I continued talking to Him about it, as I also continued to obsess about it. After a while I felt the tears about to come. Normally I'd fight them, for fear that my husband and/or children would hear me (Cause there's so much shame in being hurt, you see), but I didn't. I let the tears come, and continuing telling God how I felt or "tattletaling" to God. After a while I realized I was no longer thinking about that incident that day. In fact, I had to think real hard to even remember what was said to me, and it no longer hurt! I guess tears are a positive thing and some things we really need to cry about before our loving, compassionate God! As they say at Celebrate Recovery, there really is "healing in tears."

Chief Kamiakin District Is A Quality District

This plaque represents all of the hard work Josh did in the first year and a half with the Boy Scouts of America in the Chief Kamiakin District. We sacrificed him a lot, especially towards the end of 2010 for him to accomplish this. And of course, he sacrificed as well. You can't even imagine the hours he put in for this to happen! I really appreciate the work that he does. I find that a lot of people do not understand his job and don't think it is healthy for a family. But I disagree. We just have to operate different hours than others. Most people assume that because he's not home for dinner most of the time that he's never home. That is not true. He often gets to take an hour or two off in the middle of the afternoon. Instead of dinner dates, we have lunch dates. Instead of being at the kids evening events where everyone else is, he can sometimes be found at the park with the kids right after school, helping Jeremiah with his baseball skills and playing witht the girls. He'll take them out for ice cream or whatever, in the middle of the afternoon. And, of course, occasionally, he is able to take an evening or weekend off and spend with us. He's pretty happy to realize that he is completely open this weekend for the start of Jeremiah's baseball season! Of course, we do have challenges, where the kids have to sacrifice as well. For instance, my girls would love to play softball this year, but they're season starts later than Jeremiah's and doesn't end until the end of July. We, unfortunately (or fortunately, however you choose to see it) have to go to Camp Grizzly in mid-June and will not be back until mid-August. Gas prices are just too high for me to be running them back and forth on an almost daily basis. Even once a week isn't possible. We survive the summer, because the camp feeds us, because we have to drop the second job for the summer, that provides our grocery budget. It's a sacrifice and many don't understand, but anyone could have a normal husband with a normal job, but I'm light years away from normal!!!!

More Pics Of Our Vacation

This picture to your left is not real good, but during part of our vacation we went to Colville so the kids could see where daddy grew up and this is them in front of the high school that houses so many of Josh's accomplishments as a wrestler. This building was brand new and had just opened up when Josh was a junior and senior in high school. He showed the kids the elementary school's and middle school and junior high he went to as well. Also the old high school building that he started high school in and later went to college in for one quarter as it got turned into a satellite campus for Spokane Falls Community College. After that he transferred to North Idaho College where he met me, and, as they say, the rest is history. And of course, below, is another picture of my oh, so happy little Chloe on the white elephant again.

Chloe On The White Elephant

And this would be my darling little sanguine Chloe. She was more excited about the elephant than anyone! Angela had to think about it a minute before she decided whether or not she wanted to ride the elephant. And just like me, Chloe's glasses are always sliding down her nose. I've mentioned the problems with the little button nose and glasses right? I know some who hate their big noses, but it would be helpful to have a big nose if you have to wear glasses! My nose and Chloe's nose may be cute, but they don't hold our glasses on very well!

Our Spokane Vacation Continued And Counseling

Okay, this child is entirely too happy! I'm telling you, she was the one whining the most about how tired she was before we got out of the car! Wow! Did she get revived or what?! I know, you're going for the "or what"! This was the beginning of the most exciting day of my kids' lives! Okay, so it was actually quite late in the afternoon and that night would be the most exciting night of their lives! You know, I've been getting on here thinking I was only going to put up a few pictures with short captions and these pictures...and just started to type seems to inspire me. I think maybe I've got the heart of a real writer :) Don't expect me to start looking to get published soon. It's a little too overwhelming for me to think about just now! I'm just mostly focusing on my counseling. So much so that I couldn't sleep last night! I just kept running through my mind what I need to do before I go into a social situation to change the way I'm thinking about the people I'm communicating with. I know I probably just totally confused you, but I'm in that phase where I'm having to think conciously about, "Okay, what are you doing? What should you be doing?" when I see myself practicing old, annoying habits. Not necessarily sin, but things that make relationships awkward. I have to change the way I am thinking to change those habits and it is really HARD! It's a big part of my forgetfulness at this time, if you find me seeming to forget what I was doing, that's why. I'm trying really hard to focus on not doing certain things by thinking differently. Very consciously, so it's taking almost every once of mind power I have right now. These are habits I've had for YEARS, so it may take months or even years for me to act more appropriately in relationships consistently, but I'm trying and I'm already noticing subtle differences in moments when I'm relating with people. Only brief moments, but it's a start!

The White Elephant

This is my daughter, Angela, on the ancient (I'm pretty sure my grandmother rode this thing when she was a kid) white elephant outside the White Elephant store in Spokane. And yes, you're eyes are not deceiving you. It really is only ten cents still to ride this thing. I'm pretty sure they haven't changed the price since my grandparents were kids either. And actually, for us it was free, because when you make a purchase in the store (we made several), they give each of the kids a dime to ride the white elephant!

If you've never been to the White Elephant, you really must! It is the ultimate toy store! They have everything from big man toys to baby toys and everything in between! Our whole family loves it! Yes, including me, if I can yank my man away from drooling over the guns long enough to show him the things I love or that I think we should get for the kids! The kids were tired before we went here and just wanted to find a hotel so they could sleep. They'd never been to White Elephant before. I promised them that they would be instantly energized the moment they saw what was inside! They weren't too impressed at first (cause all they saw were guns and camping gear: the big man toys)! But then we arrived at the kids section! Oh, my goodness, they were not tired anymore!!!!!! It was hard to get them to stay in one place for 5 seconds! They were dashing from one thing to another, "Oh, mom! Look at this! Mom, look at this!" I found myself being pulled in 3 completely different directions at the same time! (Now mom's the one who's tired :)) It was so much fun. I myself got a giraffe beanie baby. Did I mention that they have great prices, too, or that I love giraffes? The one I really wanted I later saw in a toy store downtown and it was almost as tall as me!!!! I didn't even want to look at the price on that one. I told Jeremiah, "You're going to buy me that one, right?" He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. I pretty much did when I saw that one! Although, I really don't know where I'd put it in this tiny house! It was a blast and everyone got something. Angela got a small set of PlayMobil stuff. Chloe got some toy plastic horses with mats to play with them on and fences and trees, as well. I don't remember what Jeremiah got? Josh got some stuff for camping I believe. It's a fantastic place! If you ever find yourself in Spokane, Washington, look up the White Elephant! It's a must! I vaguely remember going there as a child and loving it! I remember very little of my childhood. My life really is a big blur up until about 5th grade, when I was 12 years old. I have very few clear memories before that and most of what I remember is kind of confusing and mixed up with other things so much that I'm not even entirely sure what happened when.

Radio Flyer

I think this picture to the left is supposed to look like they had just slid down the slide! It's laughable, because looking at it now, it's kind of obvious that they couldn't possibly have all went down that slide at the same time!!! They couldn't go down the slide because it had been really rainy and the slide was soaked. They had to climb up the ladder and then climb back down the ladder. I threatened them within an inch of their lives if they went down that slide! We did not have time to change their clothes before we needed to be leaving for Athol, where our friends that we were visiting live! Okay, now the picture below is the picture of the whole thing, the Radio Flyer! I remember seeing this for the first time as far as I can remember, when I was there on my honeymoon! I was 22 years old, and I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen in my life! It was like I was six years old again, seeing one of my favorite toys blown up so huge!!! And with a slide for the handle! Are you kidding me! You better believe I went down it! I think I did! I remember wanting to! I think there were a bunch of kids there at the time and we decided I really shouldn't join all the little kids on the Radio Flyer. I may have felt six years old, but it was pretty obvious to all of their parents that I wasn't six, you know what I mean? They might have been a little disturbed by that, so I didn't do it, I don't think. But in my mind I did. My six-year-old self was on that slide! Throwing my arms in the air and yelling wheee! The whole thing. I'm smiling to myself, just thinking about it right now. You know what? I just realized something when I wrote about the handle being a slide. They're not pretending that they actually did go down it. They're pretending to pull it with the handle! Now, I remember! I'm sorry, I think I'm just too sanguine to remember much of anything!

More Vacation Pics

To your left is the giant Radio Flyer (that is what they're called, right?) wagon with a slide to go down at River Front Park. You can barely see the kids in this but they are there; all three of them.

Below is the best picture I could find of Chloe on the Carousel. She insisted on riding on one of the inside horses, making it harder to take her picture, little stinker! She's usually so cooperative! Well, most of the time, anyway. Nobody's perfect.

School Fundraiser, Spokane Carousel, And Me Feeling Victory Coming On

This is when we were in Spokane for a day on vacation. This is the really old. antique carousel they have at Riverfront Park in Spokane, Washington. This thing goes really fast, which is why I couldn't get pictures of the kids riding them that weren't blurry. To your left is Jeremiah, of course, and below is Angela. I'm sure in the future I'll be able to put up some pictures of Chloe as well.

To your left, is Angela at a dance the kids did for a school fundraiser. This was the most decent picture I was able to get. Chloe was there, too, but I didn't get any decent pictures of her, that you could even tell who she was:( Have I mentioned how much I adore my children!!!?! They are the greatest joy of my life and the greatest ministry I will ever be given.

I just have to tell you that God is moving in my life in amazing ways. This season of my life is going to be huge!!! I can tell by what He's doing in my counseling and in the new relationship I am just beginning to form. And I know it, because Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4) I WILL overcome in Christ! I can't tell you more about that right now, because there is so much I'm still working on and I need to do that more privately for now.

Jeremiah's "Injury" And Friends

The picture on the left totally freaked out a lot of people on facebook a few weeks ago :) Okay, really. I shouldn't even be smiling about that, but it was kind of funny! This was actually stage make-up, done by a professional, who is my children's theatre teacher. This really did look as realistic in person as it does in this picture. It's a good thing he's a bad actor, unlike his amazingly talented sister! I she'd have done what he was trying to do you probably would have been visiting ME in the hospital! Oh, my! And then, of course, I turned around and just put pictures with no captions on facebook with no caption, freaking out some of our friends who love him almost as much as we do! So not nice of me! When he came home he sort of had his hand up by that side of his face, trying to look like he was in agony, except he was smiling the whole time! His friend, said, "You really need to look at his face, to which he then slowly removed his hand and I saw this! I also remembered the theatre teacher talking about getting a new shipment of stage make-up and telling me she might use him as a model. I wouldn't have remembered that in the moment if he wasn't such a poor actor, though! I mean, seriously! I've seen him cry over a scrape. A painful scrape mind you, but nothing compared to this! He'd be screaming hysterically if this was real! I remembered the conversation with his teacher, and smiled and said something to the effect of "That's stage make-up, you goof!" But then, like I said, decided to put my friends in the hospital! Now, the picture on the right is a picture Angela insisted I take of her friends at our prayer group. You probably recognize the one on the left of the screen from my last post. That's Lilly. The other two are Emma (in the middle) and Maggie (on the right). Now, this isn't the same Maggie that is my daughter's best friend from school. I actually really miss that Maggie. My daughter has been spending more time with another friend she's adopted as her best friend, named Riley. I sure hope she hasn't completely ditched Maggie. She's such a sweet girl and they've been friends for a long time. Since Kindergarten actually. Those kind of friends cannot be replaced. Anyway, these girls really enjoy each other's company under the care of a baby-sitter, once a week, while we parents pray. They play all sorts of games and have so much fun. Sometimes it's a little hard to hear in the other room while they're...um...having fun :) but they are having fun, so we really don't mind:)

Lilly (Sorry, Jeni, if I spelled it wrong) And Boundaries

This is my dear friend, Jeni's, daughter, Lilly. I believe you've all heard of Jeni. All two of you, apparently, who actually read my blog regularly, according to my stats. I'm not going to lecture you about not commenting, cause I've been told, by God (through certain circumstances) and by a new friend, that I have boundary issues. I guess my friend confirmed what I already knew was true. Not that I needed it confirmed! It was obvious! Anyway, I'm not sure if lecturing you about not commenting is breaking a boundary or not? I'm not real sure about a lot of things right now, which is why I haven't been writing much. I suppose if lecturing you about not commenting is breaking a boundary, then probably hinting about lecturing you about is also breaking a boundary. Sorry. I'm still healing and learning. It's pretty complicated. I'm a pretty complicated and yet not very interesting person. It's hard and it hurts, but I think God is teaching me some things through counseling and...well, mostly trial and error. A LOT of error!

By the way, is she not the 3rd cutest girl on the planet? Ahem! We all know who the first two cutest girls are, right?! And no, there really is no 1st and 2nd. It's just a tie for 1st and then this one's third! No offense, Jeni. Mine are cuter, although if you'd like I'd adopt her in a heartbeat and then she'd also be tied for first, because she'd be mine! Tha would make her instantly cuter:)

Jewel

You guys have heard about my cat, Jewel, I am sure. Well, this is Jewel. I guess the girls decided to give her a "bow." I don't think she likes it too much, but she puts up with so much from the kids, sweet thing!

Angela The Drama Queen Part 3

Another picture of Angela. I know, you're probably getting sick of her. Today, I am too. This is a very difficult "strong-willed child" day. I always like to steal Beth Moore's quote when it comes to her. She would "make James Dobson cry his eyes out." She would, too. I 've read his books and laughed bitterly over how I'd done all those things with no results and how none of his example kids even compared to Angela. Didn't give me a whole lot of hope. I'm still pretty much convinced that one of us is not going to survive her.

Angel The Drama Queen Part 2 (with Chloe)

Angela so did not want Chloe to have the spotlight while I was trying to take pictures of each of them. What else is new! (insert eye roll) I think she's actually laughing at her here. It was all in fun! Chloe was being quite silly! She has that tendency!

Angela The Drama Queen

Okay, and this is Angela being.....well.......Angela! She wants to be a pop star (we're not giving her that chance), and she's obviously very dramatic. She's my drama queen! (insert deep sigh here) We are (obviously) letting her take advantage of acting and singing opportunities in the community. We just feel very strongly that putting them in the spotlight on that large of a scale when they're so young is way too much pressure for them to handle, so we're not letting her get in on large national competitions or anything like that just yet. Okay, I need to go to CR now. Bye!

A New Chapter In Our Lives (with some emphasis on: Chloe)

This is my darling daughter, Chloe, "modeling" for us.....with her Orange Julius in hand. Hey, she was thirsty. Shopping is thirsty work! This was last weekend when Josh and Jeremiah went on a hiking and camping trip. So, what did me and the girls do?.....Shop! What else is there? Even in all of my pain and challenges I look at pictures like these or the girls themselves (and my son) and remember that I am truly blessed. I mean, look at just this one! At Chloe. Could she be more perfect! Created in the image of God! Wow! She is such a joy, and often gets overlooked in the larger scheme of things with the older two and ALLLLLLL of their activities, which is why I am highlighting her today! She is so sweet and innocent (something I never have been. Didn't have that priviledge.) and so content (also something I have never been.). She's also very talented. She is still developping her gifts and talents, so it is hard to find things to write about with her. She loves music and has taken a few intermitent(sp?) piano lessons. I'm told she is picking it up very quickly. I've always suspected she had some musical talent! She has a very sanguine personality and how does she usually express it?....Why she sings, of course! What else is there in life, after all!!!! I was the same. I would always make up songs about life events and sing other songs preveiously written, like "Jesus Loves Me," which I knew from the earliest point of my childhood that I can remember, even though I did not know Jesus personally at the time and did not even know you could have a personal relationship with Jesus. My parents church didn't teach that and my parents certainly never taught me that either! I've since found out they don't even believe in the same Jesus, I do. My Mom told me that she does not believe that Jesus is God. Wow! That was a shock to my system, since, at least to me, it is so clear in scripture that that is who Jesus claimed to be, so as far as I'm concerned, if you don't believe that Jesus is God, then you don't believe the bible, and subsequently, aren't a believer. Ouch! My mom's on her way to hell! Thank God I can pray for her! Anyway, I got off track a bit. Nobody ever told me or Chloe that musicals weren't realistic. Somebody told me that in the last couple of years. They said that people don't break out into song in real life. I was like, "They don't? That's funny, cause I do all the time! So that's why people look at me funny in the grocery store when I'm singing or humming to myself while I'm shopping!" Seriously, I do. I don't sing loudly, but I sing. Only when I'm generally in a good mood, which I believe is my true personality, not this ugly depression thing that takes over way too often and for too long. I haven't been singing much recently. But Chloe? Chloe sings all the time. When she first started going to school all day, Jeremiah and Angela came home and told me, "Mom, it's embarrassing! She sings in the lunch line and everyone stares at her, and she doesn't seem to care! She just keeps singing!" I just smiled and said, "So she's happy. Let her sing!" And so we do! We just let her sing, but as she got older we'd hear her "experimenting" (that's the only thing I can think to call it) with her voice in her bedroom, changing octaves to make different sounds and what-not (those of you who've studied music would probably have better terms for it than I do). She has always just sort of bounced through the house singing to herself. She recently came to know Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and you have never seen a child so on fire! She's always telling me how she's going to "make" her friends be Christians. I keep telling her you can't "make" people be Christians. They have to choose it for themselves. Okay, so she's a little overzealous, but haven't we all been at some point in our Christian walk, if we take our faith seriously at all! I was the same way when I first came to know the Lord! I was irritating! (Boy we do seem to be a lot alike, don't we?!) She's recently asked to be baptized, which is something we're still talking about. She has to talk with Pastor Kim about that and then we'll see. So be looking for that post. I am sure at some point this spring, my last child to be baptized will be baptized. I've not mentioned her coming to know the Lord, because to be honest with you, it's an odd and wonderful sort of thing, that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around, that all of my children are now believers! I love it, but it definitely feels like a new chapter in our lives as a family is beginning. Something to ponder. My son will be going to junior high next year and turning 13! Things are shifting for sure, and in some ways (like teenage thing) I'm not sure I like it. I like that they're believers, but I'm constantly asking, "What next, Lord? Now what?" I know their faith is just beginning to bud and flourish and this is only the beginning, but not having any idea what's coming bothers me sometimes. I mean, I know in general, but it's a little nerve-wracking thinking about the temptations and challenges they will soon be faced with, and that really, I don't have any control over that. And that they will have to make those decisions for themselves. I can't make it for them. I feel like slowly, but surely control over my children's lives is being taken from me, and for the record, I. DON'T. LIKE. IT!!!! It's how it was meant to be, I know, but I'm a control freak, people! I can't allow this to happen! But I don't really have a choice, do I? No, I don't. So here we go! This new chapter in our lives is beginning, and all I can do is pray! And pray, I shall!!!!

An Update On How I'm Doing and Josh With Pie In The Face (OH, Yeah!)

I know I'm way behind on blogging, but this was the highlight of Jeremiah's Court of Honor and really the only reason I went. It was a bit of an overwhelming day with a meeting with my pastor, a phone call from LPM (long story, not telling....sorry), and coffee with a friend (that was really wonderful, but still more to take in after all my emotional trauma.) I told a friend there that after he had sent me chocolate, I got chocolate from a few other places to. That was after I said goodbye to all my friends on twitter and facebook. He asked me if next time I could just ask for chocolate. He said, "I'm sure we all would appreciate that." Problem is, I can't have chocolate anymore for a while. For thirty days, no sugar, no dairy, no corn products, and no wheat products. Yes, I caved. I'm sick of my pudge and I barely came in under the max weight that the Boy Scouts accept for camp. It was a wake-up call. I'm seriously addicted to food and I need help!!!! (In case you hadn't figured that out already) Except for the food addiction thing. The only acception I'm making is creamer and sugar in my coffee. Don't mess with a mom's coffee!!! A girl's got to have her limits. That is one addiction (besides God) that I have no intention of being cured of....EVER! So Don't. Even. Try. It!!!!! I get one cheat day a week after the first 30 days. So no Mexican food for 30 days!!!! This and the chocolate (and the coffee thing) were the reason I was never going to do this. Thirty days without Mexican food and no chocolate???? Why don't you just send me to the torture chamber now! But seriously, it's been eight and a half years since I last had a baby and I still look like I just gave birth! That is serious, people!!! I used to look like barbie. And I ate whatever I wanted. This figure is really hard for barbie to take. I'm not kidding either. I wish I had a picture to show you. When we got married, Josh could wrap his hands around me and touch his fingers in front and his thumbs in back! I don't want to get that skinny.....well, okay, I want to, but I was probably too skinny, and probably can't get that skinny no matter how hard I try. And I've been known to try. At one point in between having Jeremiah and Angela I was working out three times a day and not eating regularly (Did I mention that I have an addictive personality?) But no more. I'm going to do this right! You're going to help me, right? Okay, you don't have to. I have Celebrate Recovery and my counselor for that, but all the help I can get is good! Now, I've gone to the other extreme until last week, eat what I want whenever I want and LOTS of it! I'm beginning to wonder if all I am is extremes, seriously!!!! Extreme depression, extreme eating habits (or lack thereof), extreme drinking....maybe I shoud take up extreme sports? Ouch, never mind! I'm way too old for that and I don't have insurance!! Anyway, the counseling is going well. That's all I'm going to say for now. It's all a little too raw to talk about. I may never talk about it publicly! Well, maybe a little bit, generally speaking....VERY generally, but who knows. We'll see what God has in store, but for now it's for my counselor's ears only. I don't even like talking about with her, so don't even expect me to tell you what I'm dealing with right now anytime soon!!!! Heck, I don't even like thinking about it, so I'm not! Back to the pictures. Last fall Josh promised that if any of the Boy Scouts in Jeremiah's troop sold over 1500 dollars worth of popcorn he'd take a pie in the face so here he is! Is it mean that I went for the sole purpose of seeing this happen? Really, though, doesn't he look adorable with all that whip cream in his face (that's really all it was, not an actual pie)? And yes, he was on the diet at that time and he didn't lick any of this off! Now that is self-control people! He's my hero!!!! I'm not sure what that little girl was thinking! Maybe how she'd love to lick that stuff off his face (that's what I was thinking!) if only it wasn't on that big scary looking dude (I wasn't thinking that! He's just a big teddy bear really, but don't tell anyone. I kind of like everyone being scared of him!)

And I bet you can't guess which scout sold over 1500 dollars worth of popcorn?!?!

Oh, yeah!!!! His very own son!!!!!!!! The former salesman passed on his gift! I think it helps that he's adorable! I mean, if he asked you to buy ANYTHING, you know you would! Look at my last post! Could you resist that face?!.......Ummm, okay.....look at another post with him in it. It will be labelled Jeremiah or kids. You might be able to resist the kid in the last post! Why was he doing that anyway?!?!